So! After almost a year of intermittently, half-assedly doing Level 1 of the Jillian Michaels Shred DVD, last Friday I went insane and stepped it up to Level 2.
And you know what? It didn't kill me. It was a harder workout than Level 1, but not on, like, the quantum level I had been expecting.
But oh! The plaaaaaanks. Level 2 is just chock-full of plank work, which is basically where you get in push-up position and then do all kinds of funky shit.
That came out wrong, didn't it? We are talking EXERCISE here, peeps. Minds out of gutters.
And Jillian is evidently STILL trying to blow my knees to smithereens, because a quite a bit of Level 2 is not exactly ... hmm ... knee-friendly. At least not to MY old four-years-of-high-school-marching-band knees.
And! Here's the thing: There's this one exercise in Level 2, I forget what Jillian calls it, because she gives ALL her exercises weird-ass names like "Hammer plank side turn jack-ups", which, I don't know, maybe that's standard gym-talk, which I would know NOTHING about having not been in a gym since high school, and even then it was just for, like, dodgeball and rope climb and
where the hell was I? Oh! This one exercise, where you are supposed to point your bottom half one way and then point your top half the other way and then alternate! Like you're doing the Twist! Come on baby, let's do the Twist!
Except my body refuses to mis-align itself, and I only get, like, three twists in before my top half and my bottom half are all, like, screw this! And everything's pointing in the same direction, and I have to STOP and MIS-ALIGN myself and start over and NOPE everything's right back in sync again and
it's like when you rub your tummy and pat your head? Except I can actually DO that.
Good thing "The Twist" went out of style, like, fifty years ago, 'cause I'd be screwed on the dance floor.
And if you ever want to laugh your ass off, come watch me exercise. Seriously, I should sell tickets. I exercise in the living room, which faces the front yard, so I could just set up rows of bleachers out front.
Another genius idea!