Jury! Duty!

Yeah, no, it's not really all that exciting.

For one thing, they're still showing that same damn introduction-to-the-courts video they were showing the last time I got called for jury duty, which has to have been at LEAST six years ago.

It's narrated by Ed Bradley, which, not to put too fine a point on it, but is he even still alive?

ANYhow, they seated a jury before I got called for questioning, so I'm off the hook. Frankly, I would have had a hard time with the case, which was a young woman who got pulled over for drunk driving and refused a breathalyzer, so welcome to the court system.

For one thing, I have a niece who is going through the same thing right now, and I think she's possibly guilty. But! Without a breathalyzer, how do you know what the blood alcohol is? What does .08 look like, exactly? Does .o8 look the same on everybody? How do you tell if someone's at .08 and not, say, .07?


Oh! But the defendant was not going to testify, which, um, why would you not testify on your own behalf, unless it's going to hurt your case? EXACTLY.


This, my friends, is why I'm always a bridesmaid and never a bride. Often called, but never serving.



Oh! Oh! And I was one of the few potential jurors NOT wearing jeans and ratty sneakers. What is UP with that? And the unwashed hair! Holy shit! And there was this pair of old farts sitting there chewing giant wads of gum like they were chewing cuds. Jeezus christ.



And then I looked at the defendant, and SHE was wearing jeans.



*sigh*


What. the. fuck. You're on TRIAL, in a criminal COURT, and the best you can do is jeans? Really?


This country's going to shit, I'll tell you that right now.



Oh, and hey, kids, GET OFF MY LAWN.



Oh! But I did get to see my old elementary-school bus driver, which was kinda cool. And he's serving on the jury right this very minute. Sorry about that, Mr. Breed.



Just for the record? I think she's GUILTYGUILTYGUILTY.


Bet she's glad I'm not on the jury.