Things I had to buy before I could ask my neighbor over for coffee and cookies this weekend

1. A coffeemaker.

2. Filters for the coffeemaker.

3. Coffee for the coffeemaker.

4. Coffee creamer. And a little pitcher-thing for the creamer. See also: Sugar bowl.

I should clarify here; I DO drink coffee at home, occasionally; I just drink the instant stuff, because who wants to screw with that coffeemaker bullshit? Too much effort. And I just throw some milk in, because a carton of half-and-half would go bad in my fridge approximately two years before I'd ever use it up. And as far as sugar, I just throw in a packet of Nutrasweet or whatever that shit that kills rats is. I do have some regular sugar; I use it in the hummingbird feeder in the summer, which means that the sugar on hand is less than a year old, so I'm safe there. But I did have to buy a sugar bowl. This is getting pricy.

5. Every last single ingredient for the cookies (except for the sugar), right down to the flour and baking soda, because while I do HAVE that stuff, I'm pretty sure it came with me in the move, meaning the shit's at LEAST a year-and-a-half old, and possibly older than that by ... several decades or so.

It's a good thing it's the 2010s and not the fifties, because I would've made a suck-ass housewife.

Oh, and of course, I REALLY wanted to have her over for beer and pizza, except:

1. I don't think she drinks.

2. There's that whole "pizza allergy" fiasco, which

3. means that I should probably just admit that I pretty much fail at this whole "neighbor" thing.

I wonder how she'll like the deer bone display.

I think at this point I should reconsider. Cut my losses before it's too late.