Friday, October 21, 2011

Hidden *urp* talents

First off, you've got to scroll down to the earlier post, where I'm still waiting to hear what everybody's favorite books are.

Now, on with the show. Okay, so there's this very nice blogger who put up a post about five things she's good at, and asked her readers to do the same in the comments. And they're all being very courteous and self-affirming and it's all very, very earnest. I really didn't want to crash the party over there, so without further ado, here are five hidden talents of my own.

1. I can drink a f*ckton of beer and not get drunk. Seriously, I can drink ANYBODY under the table, as long as we stick to the beer. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, my friends.

2. I can lie my ass off when necessary. I endeavor very hard to never HAVE to lie, because then you have to KEEP lying, and that's a pain (see also the whole "not very moral" thing), but when the chips are down and I've gotta pull off a good excuse, pronto? I'm golden. Well, except for the pizza incident. One of these days I'm gonna come clean about that one.

3. I'm very good at ignoring people's opinions of me. You think I'm priss, a weirdo, I laugh too loud? F*ck off - I don't give a shit.

4. I can watch an amazing amount of reality TV, and forget what happened five minutes later. I know that SOMEBODY got kicked off Survivor Wednesday night, but I have no idea who. This comes in handy, as the next wave of reality TV is heading for the shore and I need a clean slate.

5. I can eat an astounding amount of junk food in one sitting. Put a heaping plate of nachos in front of me and I can scarf that bad boy down. And not feel any guilt about it whatsoever, which is the REAL talent.

That's it! Five hidden talents of my very own. I'm so damn proud of myself. *urp*


Becs said...

My hidden talents seem to lie in what I manage not to do.

1. I can drink (or, I used to. I just don't drink anymore) bottles of wine and wake up feeling just dandy and ready to go to work. I know. You hate me.

2. I can not barf when challenged by the most barfingest things ever. In fact, I would rather be put into a coma, have whatever offense is troubling me sucked out of my stomach, and then be revived. That's how much I hate hurling.

3. I can not keep a straight face when being offered an absurdly low salary. This happened once and I was very desperate for a job. I knew the offer was coming and I was preparing for an offer of, say, $XX,000. The figure named was $XX,000 - $15,000. It just happened. I laughed. Loudly.

As for things I can do...

4. Until recently, I have been able to climb anything I damn well decided to climb. I started this at age 2 and kept doing it, including roaming about the mansard roofs of the London hotel where I worked.

5. I can stand in 2" of flood water and deny to myself that it will get any higher, even thought it's raining like a bastid. Even when it goes up to 6". Even when it goes up to 16". This is a talent I am not fond of, btw.

~~Silk said...

I've been wracking my brain trying to think of things I'm good at. I sorta came up with these few:

1. I can judge to the last millisecond when a procrastinated task or bill payment goes from "a bit late" to "you're in big trouble", and avoid trouble every time.

2. I'm very good at maneuvering vehicles into and out of tight spots. Pro truck drivers have complimented my backing up. That's why the fire dept wanted me to drive the ambulance.

3. I can learn anything that doesn't require physical skill, quickly and in depth. By the time Jay died, his doctors were consulting me.

4. I instinctively make sound financial decisions. (Lately I've been taking the advice of others, and that's not working as well.)

5. I'm very good in bed.

On the other hand,
1. I always pick men who are not good for me.
2. I have a terrible memory.
3. I have absolutely no sense of color or design.
4. I procrastinate for no good reason.
5. ...lots of stuff.

~~Silk said...

Oh, wow, I forgot the strength I like best about me. In all emergencies of any kind, I am cool, collected, and effective. I'll take control. I'm not the one having hysterics or throwing up. Blood and gore doesn't faze me, guns don't scare me.

Badass Nature Girl said...

I can imitate a cat hacking up a hairball.

Anonymous said...

I am the person you want to hand the check to in a party of twelve -- I can glance at it, calculate in my head (with generous tip) in a tenth of a second, and immediately let everyone know what they owe. I am otherwise numbers-stupid. This is my Rainman skill.

- bridgett

rockygrace said...

Admirable qualities, all.