Last Friday was a pretty bad day. Work was screwed up, and I got caught in an absolutely blinding thunderstorm on the way home, and all I wanted to do was get home, pill The Runt, and then sit down and relax.
I walked in the door and the phone rang.
"Rockycat? It's T! Do you like pizza?"
T is the neighbor across the street, an absolutely sweet old lady who lives all alone. I usually really enjoy chatting with her about her garden, and her kids, and all manner of things. But when she asked if I liked pizza, I thought I knew what was coming. I thought she was going to invite me over for dinner, and I was just so damn tired, and The Runt hadn't had his pill yet, and all I wanted to do was just throw some shorts and a t-shirt on and sit down and relax, and now I'd have to go sit with T and oh dear God and
"Actually", I said, "I'm allergic. To pizza."
Whaaaaaaaa? Back the f*ck up. Did I just say that? Where the hell did THAT come from?! Realizing how STUPID it sounded (is it even possible to be allergic to pizza?), I dug myself in a little deeper.
"Well, not pizza, actually. It's oregano I'm allergic to".
What IS this, an episode of The Brady Bunch? The one where Jan lied to a nice little old lady and then couldn't go to the school dance because they were serving pizza there?
T was very sweet about the whole thing, if a little perplexed. She explained that her daughter had brought her a half-sheet for dinner and she had a bunch left over and wanted to know if I'd like some, and now I felt like the biggest jerk in the history of the world.
Why did I lie? Even if she DID invite me over, all I had to do was explain that I was tired and would have to take a raincheck. I just SO did not want to hurt her feelings, and I blurted out the first excuse I could think of, and this is why I'd be going to hell if I believed in that sort of thing.
I lied to a little old lady. I told her I was allergic to pizza*. I feel horrible.
Every time I start to think I'm a halfway decent human being, I go and pull something like this. Damn.
*which is INSANE. Jeezus Christ I can't even LIE right. NOBODY'S allergic to pizza. F*ck.
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3 comments:
My luv, welcome to the moment that we're pulled in a million different directions, our energy is scattered and we're completely empty and not thinking right. In those moments, I know my mouth and my mind are completely disconnected from eachother. From what I've seen in the short time following your blogs, you're an awesome person. Very giving, understanding, great sense of humor. We cannot be perfect 100% of the time, especially when life situations are battering the hell out of us. Don't be hard on yourself, life is taking care of that department for you. You can always go back later, when your mind is clear and you're not tired and be honest about it to her and have a good laugh. Tell her that you were so tired you have no idea what you were saying and why you were saying it. I'm sure she's had days like that too. Hang in there luv.
Allergic to Pizza!! LMAO!!
I would have never thought of that!
Now your either going to fess up or never have a pizza box in your trash ever again.
BNG, thanks for the kind words.
And Heather, I've already kind of wondered how I'm gonna sneak the pizza in.
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