Warning: The rest of this post contains MAJOR SPOILERS about Seven Pounds. I am about to TELL YOU what happens in the end. Do NOT keep reading if you have any intention of watching this movie. Spoilers ahoy! Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.
I mean it!
Here we go: In Seven Pounds, Will Smith plays a dude who kills his wife, possibly his kids (not sure on that one), a bunch of people in a van, and evidently half the population of Los Angeles because he was ...... DUN DUN DUN ....... texting while driving.
Lesson for audience: Do NOT text while driving, or you will kill half the population of the planet. All at once.
So, yeah, pretty sure this one's not gonna be a musical.
Anyhoo, Will decides to kill himself because he can't deal with the guilt, but FIRST, he starts giving away little chunks of himself, like, part of his liver, and a bunch of bone marrow, and HOLY SHIT I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING HERE.
He decides to pick some worthy people to get the stuff they can't harvest off him while he's still alive, like, you know, his HEART and shit, and then things hit a snag when he sleeps with his future heart recipient. Oooops!
But! First he fixes her 1956 printing press, because he's an aeronautics engineer, and that's what they do. Totally plausible.
Then! He fills a tub with ice, and I'm all, like, okay, he's gonna try to lower his core temp so his organs which are going to be donated stay, like, FRESHER longer, before he takes the pills or slits his wrists or however he's going to off himself and at this point I can't even believe I'm trying to make SENSE out of this bullshit
and then he puts a jellyfish in the tub and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no shit you guys, suicide by jellyfish, I SWEAR I am not making this up.
Anyhoo, the movie ends, and while it was not the WORST movie I've ever seen, it was sort of god-awful, considering the big names starring in it. Which reminds me, I've heard that Valentine's Day is a pretty horrific piece of crap - anybody seen that one yet?
And then they harvest all his parts, and the heart transplant chick goes to meet the blind dude, and there's a children's choir singing a track they swiped wholesale off the Langley Schools Music Project CD, which I actually OWN a copy of because I am strange.*
*A while back, somebody (I think it was Rob) (Hi, Rob!) commented on all the weird shit I have in my house. You know how some bloggers do "theme days" like Wordless Wednesday or Thankful Thursday whatever? I think I'm gonna start doing "F*cked-up Friday" and every Friday I'll, like, display some weird thing I have in my house. Coming soon!
Oh yeah, and does anybody know where I can buy a giant dinosaur model? Like, two feet tall, at least, and realistic, with scary teeth and stuff?