Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Seven Pounds (of shit) continued .....

Okay! So, yesterday I flogged the first hour of Seven Pounds. Last night I suffered through watched the last half, so let's soldier on, shall we?

Warning: The rest of this post contains MAJOR SPOILERS about Seven Pounds. I am about to TELL YOU what happens in the end. Do NOT keep reading if you have any intention of watching this movie. Spoilers ahoy! Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.

I mean it!






Here we go: In Seven Pounds, Will Smith plays a dude who kills his wife, possibly his kids (not sure on that one), a bunch of people in a van, and evidently half the population of Los Angeles because he was ...... DUN DUN DUN ....... texting while driving.


Lesson for audience: Do NOT text while driving, or you will kill half the population of the planet. All at once.

So, yeah, pretty sure this one's not gonna be a musical.

Anyhoo, Will decides to kill himself because he can't deal with the guilt, but FIRST, he starts giving away little chunks of himself, like, part of his liver, and a bunch of bone marrow, and HOLY SHIT I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING HERE.

He decides to pick some worthy people to get the stuff they can't harvest off him while he's still alive, like, you know, his HEART and shit, and then things hit a snag when he sleeps with his future heart recipient. Oooops!

But! First he fixes her 1956 printing press, because he's an aeronautics engineer, and that's what they do. Totally plausible.

Then! He fills a tub with ice, and I'm all, like, okay, he's gonna try to lower his core temp so his organs which are going to be donated stay, like, FRESHER longer, before he takes the pills or slits his wrists or however he's going to off himself and at this point I can't even believe I'm trying to make SENSE out of this bullshit


and then he puts a jellyfish in the tub and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no shit you guys, suicide by jellyfish, I SWEAR I am not making this up.


And then they harvest all his parts, and the heart transplant chick goes to meet the blind dude, and there's a children's choir singing a track they swiped wholesale off the Langley Schools Music Project CD, which I actually OWN a copy of because I am strange.*

Anyhoo, the movie ends, and while it was not the WORST movie I've ever seen, it was sort of god-awful, considering the big names starring in it. Which reminds me, I've heard that Valentine's Day is a pretty horrific piece of crap - anybody seen that one yet?





*A while back, somebody (I think it was Rob) (Hi, Rob!) commented on all the weird shit I have in my house. You know how some bloggers do "theme days" like Wordless Wednesday or Thankful Thursday whatever? I think I'm gonna start doing "F*cked-up Friday" and every Friday I'll, like, display some weird thing I have in my house. Coming soon!

Oh yeah, and does anybody know where I can buy a giant dinosaur model? Like, two feet tall, at least, and realistic, with scary teeth and stuff?

8 comments:

downtown guy said...

Why yes, I do know where you can buy such a thing.

http://www.cmstudio.com/cataloga_o.html

Fish Food said...

Aha! Al and I saw that film and yes, we totally agree with your conclusions! Every single one! Didn't understand why/what/who and frankly, didn't care.

Flea said...

I saw bits and pieces of this movie when I worked at the psych hospital. I did see the end. The girls and I sat around scratching our heads at the whole jellyfish thing. Seriously? A jellyfish. I'm with you.

Yes, I do a lot of the drawing free hand before burning. Some of the more recent ones I've been altering photos in Photoshop and tracing them onto the board. I don't think I always care for it, though. I think I'll go back to freehand.

Domestic Kate said...

I haven't heard much about Valentine's Day, although I imagine it can't be too different from every other rom-com out there, right? Except it has Bradley Cooper in it, and he's my new crush, so yeah...I might be seeing it anyway.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, dinosaurs. Your description of what you need reminded me of that Stonehenge scene from This Is Spinal Tap. I don't know why.

Rob said...

Hi There! I always find your book and movie reviews to be spot on ... Someone needs to clue me in on how Will found a live jellyfish though.

I'm glad you didn't take my "weird shit" comment badly. I'm just envious. I like your idea, mostly because I LOVE to see how other people decorate their homes. Go for it ...

rockygrace said...

downtown, as soon as I hit the lottery, that 40-foot T-Rex is going in my backyard.

Flea, I'm sure some peeps are scratching their heads right now wondering what on earth you're talking about! Everybody, click on Flea's name and head over to her site - she does beautiful wood-burning work.

And Rob, I don't remember how he got the jellyfish! I just remember he had it in a big tank in his room. Maybe somebody else knows where he got it?

Yeah, and F*cked-Up Fridays will be coming soon. Thanks for the inspiration. I love all my weird shit!

Danger said...

Don't jellyfish live in saltwater? Wouldn't putting them in a tub of cold fresh water kill them before they could kill you?

Thanks for the review, I've been of the fence about seeing this movie, but now I know to skip it.

Heather said...

Thanks for the warning, I do believe I will skip this one.

Can't wait for your themed friday. Kinda like the one I do on tuesdays.

Nope no idea where to get that dinosuar. LOL!