Both The Runt and Little Girl were hair-suckers when they were younger. As in, they liked to suck on MY hair while I slept. I'd wake up to the pain of paws kneading my scalp, and disturbing slurping noises, and two little kittens attached to my head like barnacles. And it was CREEPING ME OUT.
And it was all really weird, because I had always heard that the reason cats would pretend-suckle was because they were weaned too early. And I knew that these guys had not been fully weaned until they were, like, eleven weeks old, which is not too early.
But! I had the problem of the hair-suckage. So I did what any self-respecting cat owner would do and went out and bought pacifiers. For my cats.
They were not interested in the pacifiers, and after a couple of weeks, Little Girl seemed to grow out of the whole hair-sucking thing. Which left The Runt, who would still happily suck away whenever he got the chance, i.e, whenever I fell asleep. Or sat still long enough for him to get to my head. And did I mention that it was CREEPING ME OUT? The only reason I can figure for this behavior is that, as the runt of the litter, he was always the first to be shoved out of the pack when they were all nursing. Maybe he's making up for lost time.
I finally hit on the thing that seems to be working: A fringed towel. Now I keep a towel on the bed, and The Runt is content to suck away on the towel fringe, while kneading his paws against the pillow and making nuk-nuk noises.
Hey, at least he's happy. And Jeesus, at least he's not sucking ON MY HEAD.