Thursday, April 21, 2011

A question for the guys

Dear guys:

How hard is it to pee into a toilet bowl?

Seriously, how freakin' hard is it to aim into a goddam toilet bowl?

And let's say, oh, I don't know, you get distracted, say a car alarm goes off or something, and you wander off course a little, and pee on the floor.

HOW F*CKING HARD IS IT TO GRAB A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER AND WIPE UP YOUR MESS?

Gah.

8 comments:

Badass Nature Girl said...

I swear it's some primal crap, it makes them feel good. Did you know that there's guys who camp at the Grand Canyon and they get up in the middle of the night and think it would be totally awesome to pee over the edge, cause it feels good to have it hanging in the breeze, and maybe they want to know if it makes any noise, and then they fall over to their deaths? True story. Maybe we can invent some thing that hooks onto the toilet that makes them scared enough to lose their wanker that it will make them either hit the target or clean it up if they don't. OR get some sort of a stupid porn type picture (for the mature audiences, of course), and that's the target they have to hit in the toilet. I've got three guys here..none of which hit the target or clean it up.

downtown guy said...

Cleaning up is its own issue, but actually hitting the mark is not quite like spraying something with a hose. The stream can easily get diverted by, say, a little dried sweat in the wrong place and all of a sudden there's piss going where it shouldn't. And so on. Laziness about mopping up after, however, is inexcusable.

Public bathrooms, on the other hand, are nastier on the women's side than the men's. I've cleaned both, in several places. In the men's room you get piss on the floor and snot on the walls. In the women's you get piss on the seat, piss on the floor, and - why? for gods sake? - blood and poop on the wall. What is the deal with that? Why are people nasty pigs in public bathrooms?

Zella said...

Eeewww, why oh why did I read this: totally reminded me of something I once saw in a toilet at the Miami airport..too disgusting to share. Excuse me while I go and puke. Oh, and Happy Easter :)

Holly said...

I've been lucky about only hooking up with guys who are manly enough to be secretive about the fact that they pee sitting down. Training my sons up to be good secret sit-pee-ers.

rockygrace said...

Ha, BNG, if I was on a trip to the Grand Canyon with a floor-pee-er, I would PUSH him over the edge.

I'm thinking that if you put a porn target in the bowl, it would just make their dicks point the wrong way entirely.

I need you to ask your three - tell them I'm doing a research paper or something - (a) why they pee on the floor, and (b) why they think it's okay to make someone ELSE clean up their bodily fluids.

rockygrace said...

Downtown, dried SWEAT? I could have done without that visual ... jeez ...

And yeah, woman can be pigs as well.

Oh! And I think it was David Sedaris who once did a routine about people pooping in dressing rooms. Boggles the mind.

Zella, thank you VERY MUCH for not telling us exactly what you saw in that bathroom!

and Holly, you should get a medal for teaching your boys to pee sitting down. That is awesome.

Badass Nature Girl said...

Well, I did think about that, but they can't be pee very well with a hard on :o)

And okay! I've already asked the little guy, but I won't post the results until I've talked to the other two. He answered partially what I thought he would.

Badass Nature Girl said...

And the results are..I didn't ask the oldest btw, because I know he wouldn't answer me, or he'd be all like, "what?! That's not me pee'ing on the floor, Jacob does that!"

Jacob : a) "well, some times I think I do it right, but I don't. I'm not trying to miss the toilet. b) I don't see it, so I don't where to wipe it up."

Carl: a) "I get distracted, I'm not paying attention, some times the pee shoots another direction than where I'm pointing it to, and some times if we shake it off too hard, the pee flies, but that would just be drops.
b) I always clean up after myself"

So, I knew that they'd say some thing about not noticing it. I've been in the bathroom before, I can see that they're not paying attention, their mind is elsewhere, and they don't even think to look to see if they made a mess. Plus, I think women notice those things more when they're the ones that are 'in charge' of cleaning it up.

I can also see what Carl is saying about it going another direction, that happens with me some times too, and no I don't have a female penis :o) he does sit down most times, when he's at home, to pee--which I think is kind of gross, but I won't say why right here.

He does think though that it's bad enough if you're cleaning up a family members pee, but it is unacceptable when you're cleaning up a strangers or co-workers pee. When guys at the mill leave things a mess, they all write notes and leave them on the walls around the toilet (Does your mommy have to wipe your ass too?) but he also said that if you want to know who is doing it, start locking the door and make employees have to use a key, that they have to ask you for, that way you can pinpoint it. Take pictures of the mess, etc. Just depends on your work place and level of frustration :o)