Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Not for the world and everything in it

Okay, so, I admit it - I was watching The Biggest Loser, AGAIN, last night. Well, all except for the boring-ass weigh-in stuff, of course.

And then they get to the *gulp* bungee jumping. And let me tell you right now, there are two things that I can say with a fair amount of certainty I will never do in life:

1. Heroin
2. Bungee jumping

Heroin, because, well, I can just see myself trying it once and then doing a fast-forward montage to becoming a sparkless sparktoid in a gutter someplace, and

Bungee jumping, because, PLEASE!

Look. I work for an structural engineering company which does a fair amount of forensic engineering work. Trust me when I tell you this: Shit breaks. Shit breaks ALL THE DAMN TIME. There is metal fatigue, calculation error, some dude rigging the cables who had a fight with his wife the night before and showed up to work shitfaced ... and it doesn't matter what your engineering safety factor is. SHIT GOES WRONG.

Oh! And that poor bastard Rulon! They're getting ready to make everybody bungee jump OVER WATER, and he's all, like, "um, I don't know if you're aware of this, but today is the four-year anniversary of the day I was on a plane that crashed INTO WATER."

And they made him jump anyway.

Note to self: Do not ever, EVER go on The Biggest Loser. They'd probably make me do heroin. Or, you know, bungee jump.


Badass Nature Girl said...

Have you watched Bert the Conquerer????? That shit will make you scream while sitting on your couch! But some of it does look fun..not the roller coasters though....or jumping from a building...I think he's on The Travel Channel, Sunday nights.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I think they probably already give the contestants heroin given the rate at which they lose weight. Or meth maybe.

Kelly said...

I just can't bring myself to watch that show, and I can't agree more. No to bungee jumping, and no to heroin. For the same two reasons.

My luck would always be that the bungee would break, not the bridge.

Thanks for the comment today, I totally forgot that line, and it cracked me up! A bit grim, but funny...

rockygrace said...

Based on your description, BNG, I am pretty sure that I will never watch Bert the Conquerer.

Kate, yeah, I was wondering about that. Isn't a "safe" weight loss supposed to be 2-3 lbs. a week? Those guys are doing, like, three TIMES that.

and Kelly, thanks for stopping by!

Oh, and did I mention that I actually did the Shred again the other night? All the way back to Level 1. Am baby. Who does not like to pee blood.