So! In the comments on the last post, Birdie and Kate stated their love for Whoppers. So out of scientific curiosity, I decided to TRY a Whopper. It seemed that I remembered from my childhood that Whoppers were similar to Milk Duds, the most disgusting candy known to man, but maybe I was wrong. I mean, after all, they were still being sold in stores, right?
Oh HELL no. Holy *&@#, Whoppers are NASTY. Crappy-ass chocolate on the outside, and some kind of rock-hard styrofoam on the inside. What the (^$)*?! Why would anyone voluntarily EAT that?! You could break a TOOTH on that crap! (And having already spent an hour and a half in the dentist's chair this morning, I am NOT INCLINED to break any teeth right now, thankyouverymuch.)
Someone who hates children invented Whoppers. That's the only explanation. They're like a bad joke. Like nightmare candy. All those trick-or-treaters last night were RIGHT! I'm lucky my house didn't get egged, after trying to hand out Whoppers. Holy CRAP.
I'm currently doing an experiment to see how long a Whopper will float in my coffee. It's five minutes so far. That's just not right. You can't even DROWN the damn things. They're like (*&ing ZOMBIES or something.
But Birdie and Kate, don't feel too bad. I think candy corn is disgusting as well. And don't even get me started on black licorice. *shudder*