Thursday, November 01, 2012

What the (&*$ is THAT #$&!?

So!  In the comments on the last post, Birdie and Kate stated their love for Whoppers.  So out of scientific curiosity, I decided to TRY a Whopper. It seemed that I remembered from my childhood that Whoppers were similar to Milk Duds, the most disgusting candy known to man, but maybe I was wrong.  I mean, after all, they were still being sold in stores, right?

Oh HELL no. Holy *&@#, Whoppers are NASTY. Crappy-ass chocolate on the outside, and some kind of rock-hard styrofoam on the inside. What the (^$)*?!  Why would anyone voluntarily EAT that?!  You could break a TOOTH on that crap!  (And having already spent an hour and a half in the dentist's chair this morning, I am NOT INCLINED to break any teeth right now, thankyouverymuch.)

Someone who hates children invented Whoppers. That's the only explanation.  They're like a bad joke.  Like nightmare candy.  All those trick-or-treaters last night were RIGHT!  I'm lucky my house didn't get egged, after trying to hand out Whoppers.  Holy CRAP.

I'm currently doing an experiment to see how long a Whopper will float in my coffee. It's five minutes so far. That's just not right.  You can't even DROWN the damn things.  They're like (*&ing ZOMBIES or something.

But Birdie and Kate, don't feel too bad. I think candy corn is disgusting as well. And don't even get me started on black licorice. *shudder*


Domestic Kate said...

I can see why someone wouldn't like them, but I stand by them. Also, I like black licorice. That's the candy that'll put hair on your chest :)

rockygrace said...

Kate, were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?


There were lots of things I liked as a kid (frozen french fries, anyone? WTF? Talk about tooth-cracking) that I don't like now. And there's stuff that I like now (pretty much any veggie)(but not kale. never kale.) that I wouldn't eat back then. I guess our taste buds ... mature?

But I'm pretty sure I will never like Whoppers. That sh*t ain't right.

Anonymous said...

They're malted milk balls covered in chocolate - yum! Crush them with a rolling pin and add to ice cream or milk and it tastes just like a malted :-)

Anonymous said...

PS: Any news from Becs or Silk? I'm fearing they were in the thick of the storm.

rockygrace said...

Becs has no power, but she's okay. ~~Silk hasn't posted since Monday. ~~Silk, we're all worried about you - please check in when you can. And let us know if you need any help - please!

the queen said...

Sigh. That isn't how you eat whippers. I just ate one not an hour ago.
You use your back molars to crack it in half. You put the malted milk interior against your tongue and you SUCK the malted stuff out. You don't bite is, you dissolve it. Then when that is gone you can laps up the chocolate shell.

the queen said...

ug. I need to proofread.

Birdie said...

Black licorice is evil.

Whoppers are meant to be sucked until the chocolate is gone then you crunch them up! Yum!

rockygrace said...

Just reading your descriptions of how to eat Whoppers is grossing me out ...

People, there is GOOD candy out there. Stuff like Snickers bars and Reese's peanut butter cups ... YUM ... there is no REASON to eat Whoppers. :)

Becs said...

Lo, the electricity shineth again. And so does my internet provider. Still no word from Silk.

And the Queen is right - you let them dissolve although you're right too because the chocolate is just strange.

rockygrace said...

Yay, Becs! I'm glad you've got electricity! I sure hope Silk and her family are okay.

and I can't BELIEVE that you're another Whopper-eater. *sigh* Well, at least you agree with me on the chocolate.