Okay, first off, I want to say thank you to ~~Silk, for standing up for me over at that Dooce post. You know, I wrote that (admittedly somewhat juvenile) post a long, long time ago and then moved on, and it amazes me that the nutjobs are STILL having a field day over there. Whatevs, you crazies. And thanks again, ~~Silk. You're a good person.
And in other news, my ankle STILL hurts. I've decided that I've been the victim of some kind of bizarre apian revenge plot, wherein this year's crop of yellowjackets saved up all of their venom for me, in retribution for killing their ancestors two years ago. Karma's a bitch.
Now. On to business. I usually drive a busy highway to work, but that road has been under construction all summer and will be for the foreseeable future, so I've been driving a quiet little two-lane rural road most of the way in. The speed limit on this road is 30 mph, and you really don't want to go much faster than that, because there's lots of curves and hills and deer standing in the middle of the road that you have to honk your horn at until they mosey off.
Oh, and it's double-solid-yellow-line all the way, meaning no passing. But the road's only a few miles long, meaning you're on it for, like, ten minutes, max, so no biggie, right?
Wrong. At least half of the time, there's some asshole in a giant pickup truck right off my back bumper, going apoplectic because I'm *only* doing 40, and he's got something important to get to GOD DAMMIT!
Whenever I can, I pull over to let Joe Asshole go get to his very important thing, which he then arrives at an entire THIRTY SECONDS SOONER because I got out of his way. But these f*cktards are giving me a headache, and the other day, when I was on my way home with some dipsh*t in a giant SUV so close behind me he was practically on top of me, I started thinking up possible bumperstickers, to give the assholes some reading material while they were right on my bumper. At first I thought of,
BACK OFF, ASSHOLE
But that seemed a little ... hostile. And not suitable for viewing by children. Maybe sweeten it up a little?
BACK OFF, BUTTERCUP
BACK OFF, SWEETIE-PIE
Maybe go the humorous route?
BACK OFF - I don't know you that well
BACK OFF - I'm just not that into you
BACK OFF - Don't make the nun get out her ruler
That last one's my personal favorite, but I don't know if Joe Neanderthal in his Dodge Denali would get the joke.
I don't know - what do you guys think? Any ideas?