aka, "Baby got (no) back"
I think my butt is shrinking.
I've never been particularly well-endowed in the back end area, and as I get older, I find I need more and more padding in my chairs to sit comfortably.
Even if I've been sitting in a padded chair, it still feels like I've been sitting on a metal folding chair. Ouch! My butt aches!
Yet another consequence of aging that NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT. What the hell else am I gonna find out as I get older? Are my toes going to fall off as I age? Are my eyes going to cross? I'D LIKE A LITTLE ADVANCE WARNING, DAMMIT.
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Your knees get weaker, and it's painful to kneel. Your skin suddenly gets too big for the contents. I've heard that your eyes and your vulva get itchy, but I haven't experienced that yet. I seem to still have plenty of tears and lubrication. You can't find anything you haven't seen in the past week. You start remembering all the stupid things you said and did in the past and want to go back and fix them.
The buttocks can be helped. 1) Sit on something firm, then tense those muscles so you lift your hips an inch or so off the seat just on those muscles. 2) Potatoes. Eat them.
Potatoes?
Oh, and what is UP with this whole having-to-get-up-in-the-night-to-pee thing? What am I, Grandma Moses?!
Since I got rid of the kidney infection, I haven't had the "middle of the night urge", and I do drink a lot of water late in the evening. I think the butt exercises help with that, too.
Potatoes go straight to the rear - on me, anyway.
You haven't lost your butt, you've just misplaced it. Put your hands where your butt used to be. Now slide them down two or three inches. There it is! Racing your tits to see who hits the floor first.
This is one of the few times in my life that I've been grateful I am small-busted.
Your fingernails get thinner and your toenails get thicker. Forgot that one.
Oh, hell, just shoot me now.
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