Sunday, August 12, 2012

hahaha you guys I am NOT EVEN KIDDING

So! One-thirty this morning. I'm sound asleep. Something - a sound, a motion, something, wakes me up. I see something moving by the bedroom door.

Is it a cat? That's a pretty good guess, around here. But no, no, it wasn't a cat ... at least it wasn't one of MY cats.

It's not really that unusual to have a cat visitor. I have a pet door, and it's not unheard of for neighborhood cats to pay a visit to my place from time to time, mostly to see how much food they can scarf out of my cats' bowls before I shoo them back out the pet door. So when I saw what looked like a cat, but not one of MY cats, at my bedroom door, it wasn't a huge surprise.

But no, it's not a cat. It's too big for a cat. And at this point, I'm desperately trying to struggle out of sleep, and fumbling for my glasses on the nightstand, and glad that I sleep with a nightlight (SHUT IT), because at least I can see a little bit.

Maybe it's a dog? Did one of the neighborhood dogs somehow get loose and get in the house? Geez, it doesn't really look like a dog ...

Okay, so I've got some of the fog cleared out of my head, and I've got my glasses on and at last I can finally see ...


Oh my God you guys, not just a RACCOON, but a GREAT BIG RACCOON, I'm guessing thirty pounds easy, and - TA-DA! I'M IN YOUR BEDROOM, LADY! OH HAI!

Oh shit.

There is a RACCOON in my BEDROOM and I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. Tinks was about ten feet away from the raccoon, crouched down uneasily, and at this point I'm trying to figure out how the hell I'm gonna get the GIANT RACCOON out of my house, and

the raccoon started shuffling toward the living room.

I cautiously got out of bed and started following it, keeping in mind that even a raccoon is a WILD ANIMAL and can do some damage to your ass if it so chooses. I actually passed up an opportunity to move a snapping turtle out of the road on Saturday, because a snapper will TAKE A FINGER OFF, NO QUESTION, if you screw around with one, and I could not see any way of that scenario ending well, so I left the snapper rescue for one of the many, many road bicyclists out on that road on Saturday, and ... where was I? Oh yeah ...


And here is where I thank my lucky stars, because that raccoon shuffled through the living room, through the kitchen, and right back to the pet door.

Where there was a nervous moment because I swear, I was not sure that that raccoon was gonna FIT back through that pet door, but

out he went.

Dudes. DUDES. I had a GIANT RACCOON inside my house last night, and lived to tell the tale. Amen. And I swear to God, this shit only happens to me.


~~Silk said...

Heh. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's highly likely he'll be back, with friends. Put a pot and a spoon next to your bed to raise a safe ruckus if he's back. Better yet, bring the kitties in at night and close off the flap.

Raccoons are a rabies repository. I had a rabid raccoon on my deck one year, and in the Kingston/Woodstock area rabid raccoons have been known to trap people in their cars (shades of Cujo!) for hours.

Healthy ones are smart, cute, and fun to watch, but unless you know they're healthy, they are best avoided.

(Oh, I'm actually glad it was a raccoon. For an instant there I was afraid it was going to be a bear.)

the queen said...

So lucky! I love racoons (fine, except the rabid ones). Did you cook bacon that day?

Birdie said...

We have a pair of raccoons (and no doubt babies soon) that walk through our yard. Thankfully they have not yet tried to come in the house but they have come up on the deck to the sliding door.
I sleep with night lights all over the house.

James P. said...

Bringing to mind the Beatles' song "Rocky Raccoon"! Better put out another food dish for the little fella if you're going to be on his nightly rounds........Ginny

rockygrace said...

Oh flip, ~~Silk, you had to bring up rabies. I KNEW there was a reason I keep a baseball bat under the bed! Pretty sure he was healthy, though. But you'd better believe the pet door is now closed at night! Kittehs inside, raccoons outside.

and queen, no, I hadn't cooked anything smelly that day. Come to think of it, I didn't cook anything at all ... :)

Birdie, it's really strange - I'd never seen any sign at all of raccoons around the house until my visitor showed up - hopefully he was just passing through.

and Ginny, the restaurant is CLOSED! Ha.

Becs said...

Whew! I'm glad you're going to bring your guys in at night and closing off the cat door!

rockygrace said...

Yeah, Becs, 'cause who knows what'd come in next ... with my luck, it'd be a chupacabra or something ...

James P. said...

Have to wonder whether he/she had visited nightly for the last two months...curled up for a nap on the foot of your bed, browsing the refrigerator contents, flipping the TV channels...and you never knew it. Ginny

rockygrace said...

Ha, Ginny, when I pulled into the driveway after work tonight, all three of the cats were in the front yard, waiting for me, which is highly unusual, and my first thought was, "Holy crap, that raccoon's kicked the cats out and taken over the house!"