Home Improvement

Peeps? I've got a confession to make.


I ..... I ..... I can't stop working on my house.


Every night, I go home from work, and I change out of my "work clothes" and into some jeans, and I swear that I'm gonna pop a beer and just chill for a few, and then ....


...... and then ......


....... and then I look out the window and see that the grass needs trimming around the mailbox or that the willow has shed yet more giant branches onto the back yard, and so I go outside to tend to that, real quick-like, and while I'm out there I notice those lilac saplings that I was going to relocate and the windowsill with the peeling paint that needs to be scraped and painted and the drainage ditch that really needs to be dug out and that hollow spot in the lawn that needs to be filled in and .....


...... the next thing I know, the little-leaguers playing ball in the park next door are packing up their gear and I look down at my watch and holy shit! It's eight o'clock - where did the time go?


I need help.


I fall into bed at night, exhausted, with aching muscles, and swear that the next day will be different. That I'll get home from work, pop that beer, and just relax and enjoy the house.


And of course, the next day I get home from work, pull in the driveway, and oh crap those gutters need to be caulked and the grass around the shed needs to be trimmed and .....

I mean, some of this stuff I enjoy. Anything to do with the garden is pure fun, and even some of the grunt work is satisfying in a get-it-done kind of way, although dear God it was raining this morning and those gutter seams that it took me two hours to caulk last weekend are leaking AGAIN and it looks like I'm gonna have to get up there with some kind of thermonuclear device to stop that f*cking dripping and ......


I am actually hoping for rainy days right now. To keep me inside. Except then I'd just look around inside the house and see that the bathroom ceiling needs to be painted and the insulation in the garage still needs to be covered up and .......


...... oh man.


You guys were holding out on me. Nobody told me that once you buy a house, you start a to-do list, an ever-changing to-do list, that will NEVER BE FINISHED until you sell the house. Or drop dead. Whichever comes first, I guess.


What else did you not tell me? Fess up.