Anybody remember last month's drama? Wherein my sister Ditzy, having decided that she is tired of actually, you know, working for a living like the rest of us wage slaves and/or letting a Sugar Daddy support her, chose to hit up my soon-to-be-85, Alzheimer's-inflicted mother for money?
Well, my sister Texas and I banded together and stopped that particular train from leaving the station, knowing that the first request for money-from-Mom would not be the last, and would, in fact, be just the tip of that particularly nasty iceberg. And Texas, my sister Alabama, and my brother A., all wrote out generous checks to Ditzy to help the poor gal *cough* out.
Problem solved, right?
Wrong.
Yesterday I received an email from Ditzy herself, informing me that Texas and I may want to "reconsider our decision", in light of the fact that Ooooops! The four grand my sisters and brother GAVE HER is not enough, and she wants more.
Oh honey. I haven't had a cigarette in over two months, and I WILL cut a bitch (metaphorically, of course) if this does not stop.
No means no. Today, tomorrow, next week, next year.
No.
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6 comments:
If she's so incapacitated from her medical condition that she cannot work, she should investigate the SSI program or other government programs that provide for people who are in that circumstance. And if she's not so incapacitated that she can get into those programs, then she needs to find some employment (no matter how modest) or sell her home to create liquidity or whatall. She has options whereby she can help herself. Sounds like she needs to use them before putting the touch on family members.
But seriously? She burned through $4k in a month and she doesn't have a mortgage payment or anything? She must be taking some expensive drugs.
She's applied for disability before and been denied, because, well ...... she's not disabled.
When the idea of a home equity loan was mentioned, things got frosty in a hurry. Evidently she only wants money that she doesn't have to pay back. (Or, you know, account for.)
aaahhhh, family.
Dear God! What the hell????
I'm so with you on this. Oh yes.
It would be my position that she has to help herself first. If she owns her own home outright, then she can get an equity line of credit. She borrows only what she needs, which is a safer way to go than the home equity loan usually. Although I'm predisposed to be unsympathetic, fibromyalgia does come with a host of related conditions that complicate taking care of oneself (like bad depression). Even if you're all "tough cookies" because of past behavior etc, it might help to explain the otherwise inexplicable practice of throwing her hands up helplessly and waiting for rescue.
It's helpful to be as clear as possible about what you're willing to do for her. "I am willing to help you investigate how to get some equity out of your home to ease your circumstances. I am willing to look at your finances to see if we can come up with a budget that helps you get through this tough time. I'm willing to listen to your sad tales of woe. However, I'm in the middle of buying my own home and I can't give you any cash at this time. Further, I will not agree to giving you access to Mom's assets because the ability to finance her care is a joint obligation that must be equally shared between us and her money has to remain where it is so that it can be available to her as she needs it for end-of-life care."
Because, duh, if you take "your" portion out, then the rest of us gets stuck splitting Mom's care four ways rather than five.
Bridgett has good advice :) I think it's important to not lecture Ditzy or explain yourself too much as much as you might want to. You don't need to, and the more you say, the more she could try to negotiate and/or argue with you about your decision. It just isn't necessary. I think it's a good idea to be very clear about what you're willing to do, and to make sure that those things all result in Ditzy doing something for herself--no donations, but a joint effort to get her financially independent.
You all give great advice!
I have limited my direct contact with Ditzy in this matter and let others do the heavy lifting, mainly because I'm just a tad busy with my own stuff right now. And because I don't trust my own temper.
The thing about Ditzy is this: She plays the wilting rose until there's something fun to do (girls' night out, day at the ballpark, etc.), and then all of a sudden she's FULL of energy. Yeah.
And it's not like she's some kid just starting out who got in over her head. She's in her mid-50s and owns her own home, free and clear. And she has two adult children - why aren't THEY helping her out?
I guess I'm just a big ol' meanie - I just can't muster up any sympathy for her. I'll shut up now.
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