First off: I have four sisters - Alabama, Texas, TIB and Ditzy - and one brother, A.
E-mail received today from my sister Alabama:
"First some news - Ditzy's boyfriend (fiance) of 2-1/2 years unexpectedly broke up with her last weekend - she is devastated. To make it worse, he had encouraged her to rely on him (since they were getting married) financially. As you know, it is very difficult for her to work full time (which I believe, having several friends with the same condition she has), and she had quit her job. So, not only is she devastated, she's in a bad situation financially. Her car is also on its last legs.
Now, the request. Ditzy has asked to borrow $5,000.00 from her future inheritance (mom's money). I spoke with Dave Doe*, and he said it can be done, if we all agree. TIB, A. and myself are okay with it. I have reviewed mom's balance and her expenditures, and I don't believe this will cause any problem - there is plenty of money, even in the event a nursing home ever becomes necessary. We will keep track of the "loan", and reduce Ditzy's request by that amount.
Please let me know if you agree, and if so, I will email you a letter for your signature, which is what Dave Doe will need."
Internet, you decide! Should my answer be:
(A) Awwww, poor Ditzy! Sure, send me the paperwork and I'll sign it - and let's not be cheap! Give her ten grand, not five!
or
(B) What. the. fuck.
Are you fucking shitting me?
I was wondering when the carrion would start to circle, and now I know.
Ditzy's spent her entire adult life earning extra income on her back, and now that her latest Sugar Daddy's dumped her, Mom is supposed to support her?
That "condition" that you refer to, that caused her to quit her job, is called "Lazy-Ass". There's a reason that Social Security has denied her application for disability benefits time after time: It's because being lazy is NOT a disability for which the government will reimburse you. Oh, she can call it Mono, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or Fibromyalgia, or whatever she's calling it this week, but the fact that she has plenty of energy for everything BUT work belies the claim.
Mom might be 84, but she's healthy as a horse, and she could live for another fifteen years. And yes, Dad did leave her some money, which should support her until she passes on, but who knows what tomorrow may bring? What if the money runs out before she does - is Ditzy gonna pay back the five grand? Yeah, I didn't think so. And mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's almost ten years ago, and she barely knows who anybody even IS these days, so it's not like she can give informed consent, here. You could tell her she was giving 5 grand to Santa and she wouldn't know the damn difference.
And as far as Ditzy's boyfriend "encouraging her to rely on him" - what is this, the 1950s? For fuck's sake, she's fifty years old! I suggest she re-apply for that job she dumped before the Sugar Daddy dumped her. And let us not forget, Sugar Daddy proposed to her long ago, and she refused to marry him, although she sure did wave that big honkin' engagement ring around. Talk about free milk and a cow.
Oh, and her car's on the outs? Better do what everybody else in the free fucking world does when their car shits the bed - go to the bank and get a loan for another car. Don't worry, Ditzy, you can use the home you own as collateral.
And Ditzy, you'd better toddle back to match.com and start trolling the local church congretations (respectively, where you met your last two "boyfriends") for a new Sugar Daddy, because I'll be god damned if our mother is going to finance your ass.
So, what do you think, Internet? (A) or (B)?
*Dave Doe is the guy at the bank who handles mom's money.
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7 comments:
You've made A sound so appealing! Methinks there's a reason Alabama emailed you on behalf of Ditsy--perhaps Ditsy knew your response already?
I agree with you. She's a grown person. Ride the bus. Get a job.
How infuriating.
I take it that you aren't close and that it doesn't bother you that you aren't. Guaranteed that B doesn't get you closer.
Is this one of those situations like we have in my family? That would be where "we all want to say no, but (sister with the spine) is the only one with the balls to say no and so we'll all look like the good guys and get what we want without the fallout when she kicks up a fuss...and then we can spread our hands regretfully and say well, geez, we would have liked to help, but we can't because of (sister with the spine)..."
You're acting in your mother's interest. Were she competent to act, would she write the check or would she tell her daughter to wise up and get a job? My mom is far less of a hardass towards me than I deserve. My brother is far more...
Yup, "B" would be my choice too.
Oh yes. Definitely.
I'm definitely the "sister with the spine". And here's the thing - I've played the bad guy for these people so many times before that frankly, I'm getting sick of it. Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass about any of them (except for Texas), and I'd wash my hands of the whole deal were it not for trying to look out for my Mom.
And if Mom were competent, she would probably give Ditzy the money, 'cause Mom always was a big ol' softie when it came to her kids. And Ditzy would keep going back for more until she had bled Mom dry. And I'm afraid that's what's going to happen here.
Nursing homes are $5 Grand/Month. If your mom has to go into one, she's going to need every dime.
B - Why? Cause it's never to late for the Ditsy's of the world to grow up AND every chance you give her to grow up is a precious gift and you shouldn't waste it!!!
I'm reading bottom-up here, so I don't know what your decision was, but here's my thoughts anyway.
If you remove an amount from investment principal, that amount is no longer available to grow. So if you think of the estate as your future inheritance (which Ditzy obviously does), then removing 5K from the current principal with the thought that at the end Ditzy would "repay" 5K out of her share reduces the future share of all the other heirs. She should "repay" the 5K PLUS any interest or dividend that 5K would have generated.
Think of it this way - suppose you were to take 5K also, and then you invested it yourself. Fifteen years later your mother dies, your carefully invested 5K is now 20K, but your share of the estate is reduced by only 5K. It should be reduced by 20K!
So if you siblings agree to the proposition as stated, understand that you each have reduced your own future inheritance.
My basic rule - do not spend principal except for absolute emergency.
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