Oh. Mah. Gah.

During my lunch time yesterday, I got into a fight with a K-Mart cashier. Awesome!

Dear Marge at the Binghamton K-Mart:

The sales flyer said the shampoo was "Buy One Get One Free". It did not say "Buy One Get One Half Off". I know that that's the way it rang up, but did you really have to get all pissy when I pointed out the mistake? There was a time when I would have let it slide, but now that the economy has basically screwed the pooch, I can't afford to let it slide anymore.

Because there was a line of people behind me, I asked you to please just ring me up, so that I could go to customer service and get it straightened out. BUT NO. You insisted that you had to go to the pharmacy counter (WTF? It wasn't prescription shampoo, just plain ol' L'Oreal) to get a price check.

Then you came back from the pharmacy (WTF?) and said that I had purchased the wrong shampoo. I showed you the sales flyer, which pictured the exact shampoo I had purchased, in the size and style I had purchased, undermeath the header "Buy One Get One Free". Then you gave me an eye-roll and a heavy sigh, and said you'd have to get a manager. Oh sweet baby jeezus. I took this opportunity to apologize to the people in line behind me.

Oh, and the reason I took the sales flyer with me to the store? It's because this crap happens all the freaking time at K-Mart. You need to take the flyer with you, so that when stuff rings up wrong, you can show them the price as advertised in the flyer. This is why I almost never shop at K-Mart. After this latest go-round, make it, "This is why I never shop at K-Mart".

So! You came back with the manager, who took a look at the flyer, got out her little key, and overrode the computer so that I would get the correct, advertised price, i.e., "Buy One Get One Fucking Free, Marge, you pissy old bitch."

Now. I know it was not your fault the computer rang it up wrong. But I also know that it was not necessary to give me a metric ton of shit when I pointed it out. I was polite throughout this whole unpleasant encounter. You were not. And as I was leaving, I heard you start to bitch at the lady in line behind me because the pair of shoes she was purchasing did not have a valid UPC code.

Marge, Marge, Marge. I know you've been working at K-Mart forever, and I know it must suck to be ninety-five and still be wearing a K-Mart smock. But when you took the flyer I had showed you to point out the sale price and crumpled it up and threw it on the floor, then shoved my receipt at me, I kind of lost any sympathy I had for you.

Oh, and that receipt you shoved at me? It had a computerized note on the bottom stating "K-Mart Values Your Feedback", asking me to visit their website and "tell us about your experience".

Ohhhhh, you betcha, Marge. I told them allllll about my experience. Several paragraphs worth, actually.

Oh, and to all those people in line behind me? Let me apologize once again. I'm really, really sorry. I know you were all standing there cursing me out in your head, and I totally understand.