My Left Fooooooooot

Oh my fucking GOD, you should see my fooooot! Waaaa! I'm calling it Frankenfoot. Seriously, it looks like someone took a baseball bat to my foot. The ball of the foot is swollen to at least twice its normal size, and the side of the foot is all different shades of black and blue and purple and red. I have pictures! I can prove it! I was going to post one here, until I realized that looking at the pictures MYSELF was making me kinda pukey-feeling, and I don't want to gross anybody else out unnecessarily.

So! Here's a pretty peony:

And below is a picture of the booth next to mine at Saturday's festival. This dude, who looked like freaking Quasimodo, was selling "redneck wind chimes" ( beer cans hung from a piece of wood (how hilarious!)) and "rubber band shooters" (pieces of PVC pipe screwed together (how quaint!)), and HE DID MORE BUSINESS THAN I DID. (Waaaay more, seeing as how I sold nothing.) Sigh.

By the end of the day, I wanted to take that flippin' ET and stomp on it until it exploded. Because look! He totally looks like he's giving me the finger (look at the left hand)!

But! Back to my foot! Because this is MY BLOG, dammit, and I'll talk about my Frankenfoot if I want to!

I tend to be a little, um, dramatic (REALLY?!!), so when my foot first turned black and blue FOR NO REASON, I was all, "oh noes, maybe it's that flesh-eating disease and the black and blue will start to spread and the doctors will have to TAKE OFF MY FOOT and then I'll be an amputee and waaaaaaaa......"

And then I remember what my Mom used to say to me when I was a kid and became convinced that I was dying of whatever dread disease was on that week's episode of "Emergency!". She'd say, "If you actually HAD (insert dread disease here), you'd KNOW it." In other words, cut it, little drama queen.

So! I guess I'm going to live. But my question is, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY FOOT?? I went to bed Sunday night and it was fine. I woke up Monday morning and my foot was grievously injured. I DID NOT overindulge in alcohol this weekend, so it's not like I took a baseball bat to my own foot in a drunken stupor. And if I had gotten up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if I had somehow stumbled against/over something hard enough to leave a gigantic BRUISE and copious swelling.

Anybody got any ideas?