hahahaha oh my God you guys it's true.
My wireless doorbell went kerflooie, and I assumed that the battery in the sending unit had gone bad. And of course, of COURSE, when I opened up the unit, it wasn't, like, a double-A in there - it was one of those twee little batteries that go in, like, hearing aids and sh*t. You know, the fantastically expensive kind.
So I sighed, and went to the drugstore, and paid SIX BUCKS for a battery the size of my THUMBNAIL, and took it home, and put it in the unit, and ...
... of course it wasn't the battery. The doorbell still wouldn't work.
I got ready to toss the brand-new, never-used, twee little battery that will never fit in anything else I own EVER into the junk drawer, when I thought ...
... I wonder if I can take this back. I mean, I never USED it. It's still brand-NEW. I wonder if I can return it.
And so I put it back in the little Duracell package, taped it up, grabbed the receipt, and put "return battery" on my to-do list.
And THEN, the next day, I'm talking to a co-worker, and somehow the whole doorbell thing came up, I don't know how, probably because I NEVER STOP TALKING, and I explained how I was gonna return the battery.
"You can't do that!" my co-worker said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because!" he said. "If you could do that, everybody would just go to the store and buy a jumbo pack of batteries, take it home, replace every battery in their house, put the used batteries in the package, and take it back to the store for a refund!"
And here is where I thought to myself, "That is the best idea EVER in the history of the WORLD. That? Is pure genius." I mean, I couldn't DO it, of course, because with my luck, they'd just put my pack of used batteries back on the shelf, and some poor motherf*cker would buy the used batteries to put in, like, his HEART MONITOR or something, and then I'd rot in hell.
But I still think it's a genius idea.
And! I took my twee little (brandie-new) six-dollar battery back to the drugstore, all taped up in its packaging and with a receipt, and
they took it back. They gave me my money back.
Holy sh*t you guys you can return batteries for a refund.
Just, um, think about the guy with the heart monitor, okay? I'm just sayin'.