This is what happens when you've got some time off

You're home when the Jehovah's Witnesses come around.

First off, yes, I am back to work, as of today. (insert raspberry-blowing sound here.) But last week, when I was off, I had some visitors.

You know, I was raised Presbyterian, a religion which is kind of against proselytizing, but now that I'm an atheist, hell, if some wack-ass religion wants to send people to my door, I'll talk to 'em.

And these were two lovely older women, very polite, who just wanted to talk to me for a minute on the doorstep and didn't ask to come in and were very pleased to meet Ponyboy, who was curious as to who was at the door.

So I accepted the July issue of The Watchtower and also the July issue of Awake! and also an invitation to the next local big Jehovah's Witness come-to-Jesus camp meeting, which I was amused to find was being held at one of the local casinos. Ha.

So I got started thinking about religions, and who's the wackiest of them all.

Is it the Jehovah's Witnesses? I don't know.

The Catholics? Nah, they're more evil-wacky than woo-woo wacky. Want to know why the Catholics are against birth control? It has nothing to do with that whole life-is-sacred stuff. It dates back a couple of centuries, when Catholics were vastly outnumbered, religion-wise, and they started encouraging big families to have more soldiers in the religion wars.


And that whole priests-have-to-be celibate thing? Well, priests used to be allowed to marry, but they had a nasty little habit of leaving their estates to their wives and kids when they passed away, and the higher-ups in the church didn't like losing out on all that money, so they insisted that priests be celibate, so that they would leave their money to the church when they died.

Hey, you can look it up.

Okay, let's talk about the Mormons. Holy underwear? Yeah right. The Scientologists? Well, with the whole Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes breakup in the news, we all know about those wacky-ass Scientologists. Thetans, SPs, lalalala okay if it makes you happy.


So who's the craziest religion of them all? Ya got me. But if they want to come to my door and be polite and leave me some reading material, I'm down with that. Just don't expect to see me at the local airport, wearing a white robe and beating a tambourine.