Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Oh, now it's ON.

Okay, first off, scroll down, because yesterday I took on organized religion. Just ... because.

Now! World War III is about to go down in my yard.

Because the deer are eating my about-to-bloom hibiscuses. (Hibisci?)

This. Will. Not. Stand.

I KNOW there's been some talk lately about the deer coming to tell me something, and I'm totally down with that, BUT THEY CANNOT EAT MY HIBISCUSES WHILE THEY'RE HERE.

I put up with the deer this spring, when they ate half my damn (deer-resistant) (my ass) daylilies down to the ground. I put up with their gigantic poop piles in my backyard.

But they cannot have the hibiscuses.

I worked HARD to carve that hibiscus garden out of the sloping side yard last year. I CELEBRATED when the plants popped out of the ground this spring. I MULCHED and I WATERED and I delighted when the first buds started to appear.


F*ck no.

So I'm arming myself with knowledge. I've looked up deer-repellent spray recipes, and I've learned that hanging aluminum pie pans in the garden, while cultivating the hillbilly look, may also help keep the deer away. I've heard the whole Irish-Spring theory.* I will sit out there with a f*cking FLAMETHROWER if I have to, to keep the deer away from those hibiscuses.

You're crossed the line, deer. You've been warned. It is ON.

*am I the only one old enough here to remember the old "Manly, yes! But *I* like it, too!" commercials?


~~Silk said...

You could put a bale of alfalfa hay on the other side of the yard.

Anonymous said...

No, Silk...it just attracts more deer. I've lost ALL 50 of my hosta this year and I live in a suburb. I lost them after a friend persuaded me to use Deer Repel instead of thinned down ghost pepper sauce. Next year, back to the ghost peppers! Good luck!

rockygrace said...

Oh goodness, ~~Silk, that reminds me of the (true) story of my Mom and the ducks ...

There are acres and acres of undeveloped land next to my property. This time of year it's mostly waist-high wild grass, with bushes and ferns and all kinds of other greenery mixed in. A veritable salad. But are the deer happy with that? Noooooooo. They have to go after my FIVE hibiscuses. Assholes.

rockygrace said...

and Kris, you lost FIFTY hostas? Oh my. I think I'd buy a gun. Ha.

Tonight, per the internet, I sprayed with a mixture of water, egg, baking powder and tabasco sauce. Munch on THAT, assholes.

From what I've read, it's a matter of changing up the game. Once they become immune to one flavor, you have to switch to another. But now I'm glad I didn't buy any Deer Repel.

Rob said...

Two words ... Claymore Mines.

rockygrace said...

Ha, Rob, I could do some landscaping via land mine while I was at it ... I've always wanted a pond ...