… As some of you may know, I loathe lawn-mowing. It is easily my least-favorite activity. Between the christless lawn mower that refuses to start half the time, and that time last summer when I ran over a nest of yellowjackets while mowing … well, mowing and I are not friends.
And my neighbors are all, like, “Why don’t you use Andy? Andy mows everybody’s lawn! He’s great! And he only charges ten bucks a yard!”
Here is my problem with Andy. And here’s where I’m gonna get into trouble.
Andy is developmentally disabled. Now, that’s NOT my problem with him. My problem lies with letting a developmentally disabled man operate power equipment on my property. It just … doesn’t seem like a good idea, from a liability standpoint.
And also? I am old enough to remember when Andy was a kid. A kid with a predilection for matches and an ugly little arson habit. He actually burned down two houses as a child.
So giving him access to my garage and a can of gas doesn’t seem like such a hot idea.
I guess I’m gonna have to keep mowing my own lawn, dammit. Because it sure beats an injury lawsuit or a house of ashes.
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9 comments:
Two? TWO? Where the hell were his parents after the first one? Or did they think the first one was an unfortunate accident while the second indicated firebug?
I agree. Mow your own lawn. Save all the $10s and get yourself a self-propelling push-start lawnmower.
- Bridgett
Or you could start growing ground cover and perennials that gradually overtake your yard. That works if you have good soil. Sadly, all I have here is hardpan clay and I freaking hate it.
I would send you Diego if I could. He is awesome.
Bridgett, yeah, the first one was ruled accidental. It was only after his brother ratted him out after the second fire that they caught on.
Becs, sadly, my yard is on top of an old creek bed, so what I have is lots and lots of rocks. You stick a spade in and hear "clink".
I could use a Diego.
How about turning your yard into a serenity garden? You'll have a use for those rocks and you can personalize it with Freaky Friday objects.
Big Daddy hired someone to mow our yard, I called him Scary Guy, he looked like someone from a horror movie. I had to have him come inside and fix a closet door when BD went to China and I swear I ran around with Febreeze, herbs, and soap when he left. Hiring help is hard.
Laura, if I had the time and energy, I'd go full-on Freaky Friday on the lawn. Watts Towers would have nothin on me. Maybe someday ...
and fmcetc, yeah, hiring handymen is tough. I guess there's a reason they're not working regular jobs ...
Where I lived in Florida, all the lawn guys had just been drop-kicked from county lockup. I never let any of them into the house. Ever.
Soon it ended up with guess who mowing the lawn. And no, that would not be my ex.
PS. I suggest invasive plant species like purple loosestrife. This way you get to meet all those nice young guys with the forestry service.
Oh man, Becs, up at the lake people used to come around and ask what the "pretty purple flower" was and if they could dig some up for their garden.
They were sad to find out it was the Kudzu of the North.
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