Friday, February 17, 2012

Oh, Jillian, I can't quit you

Some of you who have been here for a while may recall that I have a love-hate relationship with Jillian Michaels. Specifically, with her Thirty-Day-Shred workout. Namely, that every time I start exercising to that DVD with any regularity, I get hurt.

I KNOW that after the last time I injured myself, I said that I was going to take that damn DVD out in the yard and set it on fire.

I didn't do it.

Because I finally figured out what the problem was. I cannot work out every day. I just CAN'T. My almost-fifty-year-old body will not allow it.

So! I started working out every other day. Well ... almost every other day. How does twice a week sound? Because that's more, well ... honest. Ha.

And then? A new problem arose. I started getting bored.

It wasn't that the workouts were too easy. Shit, I STILL can't do anything in plank position for more that about two reps without collapsing like a beached whale. It was just that after hearing Jillian chirp, "Chop-chop, girls! Chop-chop!" for the billionth time, I was tired of it.



So! I was at Crapmart the other day, perusing the workout DVDs, and what did I see? "Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30"! With four separate workouts. I figured that with three workouts on the 30-Day-Shred DVD and FOUR on this DVD, I had plenty to keep it varied.

Except ... SHE'S STILL LYING ABOUT THE TIME. On the 30-Day-Shred, they are supposed to be 20-minute workouts. They're 27. On Ripped in 30, they're supposed to be 30-minute workouts. The first one, which is the only one I've gotten to so far, is 36-and-change. And don't even give me that bullshit about warmup and cooldown, Jillian. TWENTY MINUTES IS SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY MINUTES. Sheesh.

Hey, this shit matters when you're jumping-jacking and grunting and failing the plank pose and hoping that your neighbors can't see through your curtains. Those extra minutes are a SNOT.

But! I am persevering. Because I am insane. And when I finally get those six-pack abs (HAAAAAAAAAA), I'll let you know.

Oh! And if anybody knows the secret to the plank pose, please let me know. Because I suck pretty bad at it.

9 comments:

Badass Nature Girl said...

The secret to plank pose? Strong abs. Kind of a catch 22, isn't it?

What specifically about the pose do you find hard? (what part of the body tires out first, etc?)

rockygrace said...

Strong abs? Well, there's my problem!

I can't keep my center held. My arms are okay, and my legs are fine, but my middle just wants to give up. I just get all shaky and collapse. I'm a weenie. *sigh*

Badass Nature Girl said...

One thing you can do is get into plank, with your arms on the floor (not the kind of plank that has the palms of your hands on the floor) and then bring your knees to the floor in that plank position. You're still using your abs.

You can stay that way, or go back and forth between the straight leg plank and taking your knees to the floor.

Let me know if you try it and that works.

rockygrace said...

Oh, yeah, I can do the knees-on-floor thing all day long. It's just when I try to do a "real" plank ... THUD.

I'm already doing crunches and core twists out the ying-yang - why are my abs still so flabby? *sniff*

Maybe it's all that beer ...

Domestic Kate said...

Most of the time I can't do much in plank position, except the plank itself, for very long. Can you just hold a plank? Just holding a plank with palms on the floor or with elbows on the floor works your entire body without doing any additional moves.

Rob said...

supsfea leurmnt,
So ... you're into "planking" now? I never figured you for that. Just be careful, okay?

Rob said...

Oh, by the way ... your "prove I'm not a robot" authority thingies are getting a little too hard to decypher (read prior comment). This is why Alec Baldwin doesn't comment anymore and I know he's a huge fan.

~~Silk said...

I had no idea who J. M. was, or what a "plank position" was, so I went to YouTube and looked her up. I took an immediate dislike to her - something about her face, especially her mouth. That's very unusual for me. My shallow part showing, I guess.

Anyway, I'm 67 and the only exercise I get is walking. I tried the plank, and I can hold it for about three minutes, and then my thighs give out. Whoa. I'd have said that my legs are the strongest part I've got left. Middle was fine, and I look pudgy there. I don't understand.

rockygrace said...

Kate, yeah, I can HOLD a plank, at least briefly; I just can't DO anything while I'm holding it.

And Rob, read the comments. We're ALL into planking now. Look for our videos on Youtube. :)


~~Silk, based on what I've read, Jillian is a little ... bitchy. But she does do a great workout!
Now I've gotta see if I can hold a plank for three minutes. Somehow I doubt it. You're awesome!