Thursday, January 08, 2009

You Can't Make This Shit Up

So! The FedEx package (a lamp, by the way) was missing, I had filed a police report, and the policeman had asked me to talk to my neighbors to find out if they had seen anything (in other words, DO HIS JOB), and he would stop back the next night to follow up.

P., who lives kitty-corner below me (the one who's getting evicted) wasn't home, so I couldn't talk to him. And after talking to R. upstairs and getting the scoop on the supposed thugs who lived below me, I wasn't about to go knocking on THEIR door. I mean, getting your head blown off over a stolen lamp seems kind of silly.

The policeman came back last night and I filled him in. He said he would go down and talk to the people below me, and go from there. I said, "hey, if you see a Tiffany-style stained glass floor lamp down there, let me know!" He laughed and said he would, and left.

Two minutes later, there's a knock on my door. It's the cop, WITH MY LAMP. Still in the box. He said the guy downstairs told him that FedEx had left the package right in front of his door, and that JUST AS THE COP WAS KNOCKING he was planning to find out which apartment I lived in and give me my lamp.

The cop also told me that the guy was pretty ticked off that I would call the cops on him, and the cop said he explained that I hadn't called the cops ON HIM; I had simply called to report a theft, and the cop was talking to ALL the neighbors, just doing his job.

Not wanting this *thug* to think I had called the cops ON HIM, I went downstairs after the cop left and introduced myself. And this *thug*? Is the nicest guy in the world. I shit you not. He explained that he didn't know which apartment was mine, and was just holding the package until he found out. He told me how he had turned down the bass on his stereo, because he was afraid it might be too loud (yes, it had been too loud). We chatted for a little bit, and now all is well.

But! Some lingering questions remain:

1. Why did R. upstairs describe the new people as intimidating thugs? M. downstairs seems very nice, and according to him (M), he lives alone. M. also said that he hadn't been around the back of the building yet, and that's why he didn't know how to get to my apartment (stairs in back). So who were the people R. saw "lurking around"?

2. Why did M. hold my package for a DAY AND A HALF, days on which both he and I were home in the morning and evening? Why did he even take it inside his apartment in the first place, once he looked at the label and saw that it wasn't addressed to him?

3. When the cop brought the lamp upstairs, the package had been opened, and the instructions had been taken out of their plastic sleeve and laid on top of the rest of the contents. Why?

Is a mystery ................. The good news is the lamp is back, and the new guy is not an "intimidating thug". But I'm still looking for a Realtor.


kitkat said...

Weird indeed! Maybe he opened the box out of curiosity or because he didn't realize that his name wasn't the name on the outside of the box. Were the instructions and packing slip together? He could have been trying to get more info on your address. Hm, I'm giving this way too much thought. It's still strange that he held onto it for a day and a half. I would have just called FedEx to tell them they delivered the package incorrectly. Then again, I'm relative normal and considerate.

I once had some traveler's checks delivered by FedEx. I had to sign for the package, so they left a tag on my door telling me they had been by when I was out, but the tag on the door had the tracking number for someone else's package! It was a big ordeal, and I ended up driving to the FedEx office-warehouse thing to pick it up in person. So much for "delivery." By the way, don't ever use DHL.

Bridgett said...

How good is your con-o-meter? To me (and granted, I didn't meet the guy), this isn't adding up. I would guess that he opened the box to see if it was something he wanted before he decided if he was going to return it. I find it particularly fishy that he greeted the cop with the box. That kind of simultaneity rarely happens unless dude knew why the cop was doing his knock-around to begin with and didn't want to have Mr. Officer snooping around inside his apartment.

People with money problems (like the eviction guy) have money problems everywhere and pissed-off creditors have been known to send goons to encourage prompt remission of payments.

I got your adorable Christmas card and a very dirty look from my postman.

rockygrace said...

I thought DHL was out of business ....

And I can usually smell a rat a mile away, but there are some things that just aren't adding up here.

kitkat said...

If DHL is out of business, I can tell you exactly why...

rockygrace said...

Do tell, kitkat!

~~Silk said...

Sociopaths and psychopaths are very charming. It's actually one of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM.