and I can't get it out of my head

I saw a deer get hit by an SUV last night.

Actually, I would have hit the deer if I had been just a few seconds later. It was dark and I was on a busy two-lane road, going about 50, with cars behind me and cars going the other direction next to me when I saw the deer step out of the woods and onto the shoulder on my side of the road. I couldn't slam on the brakes because of the other traffic, so all I could do was pump the brakes and watch as the deer hesitated, then jumped into the road right in front of me.

I missed it, barely, but an SUV going the other direction nailed it. I heard an incredibly loud CRRRRRUUNNNNNCCCHHHHH and watched in my rearview as hooves flew in the air and the SUV lurched onto the shoulder. When I got home I checked the car, fully expecting the driver's side to be covered in blood, but it wasn't.

And I know I'll be thinking about this for a long time.

I remember several years ago, driving that same section of road, and watching a cop pull his service revolver and shoot a deer that had been injured in a car collision.

And there was that time I saw a cat ........ oh jeezus christ I still can't talk about that.

And I don't understand why I can't just put this stuff out of my mind and forget about it. I mean, I don't bring back good times in my mind in graphic detail; it's just the nasty stuff that sears itself onto my brain and lurches to the surface, unbidden, from time to time. I wonder why.