Chewing Gum and Cigarettes

I sorted through my VCR tapes (yes, I am old) the other night, and tossed a bunch of stuff that I hadn't watched in ....... oh .......... YEARS. But I did find some stuff that I had forgotten I had, so I've been taking a little trip down memory lane watching these old shows that I taped.


And the other night I was watching some tribute-charity-concert-for-Queen (the band, not the monarch) thing that I taped back in the stone age, and Def Lepard came out. And the lead singer was bouncing around the stage, and playing air guitar, and wailing his little heart out. And then they did a close-up, and he was ........ chewing gum.


And I was all like, Duuuuuude! I know it's your JOB and all, and you've sung these same songs a bazillion times, but are you really SO BOOOORRRRRRRRED that you have to chew gum?


And I was actually a little, well, insulted. You are supposed to be entertaining me! Spit out the damn gum!


And then, later on, Slash was on stage, and he was ripping up a guitar solo, and .... smoking a cigarette. And I was like, can't you save the smoke for later?!


And I kept hoping that the singer dude would be halfway through a high note, and choke on the damn gum, and get all red-faced and keel over, and the roadies would have to come out and give him the Heimlich maneuver, and the gum would come flying out and hit some poor kid in the front row in the face, but then the kid would hold it up over his head like a fly ball and the audience would roar and ........... that didn't happen.



Those tribute concerts. They're never as good as you hope they will be.