Driver Stabbed Himself

If you click on the title above, you should get linked to an article in our local newspaper describing how a local man committed suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly while driving.
While that's plenty odd, it is not nearly the oddest suicide story I have ever heard. I remember another local man whose decision to off himself went horribly wrong. Here we go:

Many years ago, a local doctor decided to kill himself. He decided to go up on the highway and step in front of a passing car. So, he got in his car, got up on the highway, pulled over to the shoulder, got out of his car, and almost immediately, a couple of other people pulled their cars over to see if he needed help. (We're friendly like that around here.)

No, no, he said, and then stepped in front of a passing car. Which ran into him. And over him. The people who had already pulled over to help rushed to his aid, along with, of course, the driver of the car that ran him over, and people from other cars who saw what happened and stopped. Remarkably, he was not dead. Not even all that injured. And he still wanted to end it all. So he got up off the highway, ran to the guardrail, and jumped over it, presumably hoping that he would land in the river, approximately 30' below. Except his aim was a little off, perhaps from being run over by a car, and he landed, splat, on the bank of the river instead of in the river itself.

By now, as you can imagine, quite a crowd had gathered, and several people rushed down to the riverbank to see if they could help. And the good doctor was still alive. Except for, um, he still wanted to die. So he got up off the riverbank, jumped in the river, and started swimming for the middle, presumably to drown himself. Several of the good Samaritans went in after him, and by the time he got to the middle of the river, he was thrashing around pretty good, like it had finally struck him that "hmm, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." The good Samaritans got ahold of him and got him to the shore, and he was still alive.

Unfortunately, he passed away from his injuries a short time later.

I swear that this is a true story. I remember when it happened, approximately 15 years ago, and I remember thinking, this is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard of. That poor man.