Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Next Step: World Domination

I think the cats are trying to kill me.

Little Girl has a disconcerting habit of waiting until I'm asleep, and then wrapping herself around my head like a scarf. At first I thought it was cute, but now I'm wondering if she's trying to smother me, due to a little trick The Runt has picked up: He winds himself around my feet when I am trying to walk.

It was endearing at first, because he's not the friendliest cat in the world, but I've almost gone sprawling several times. And last night, he ambushed me from beneath a chair, springing out at the last second, and in the ensuing scramble to not step on the cat you will smush it, I banged my foot into the chair, HARD, and broke my friggin' toe. Or, if you will, THE GODDAM CAT BROKE MY TOE FOR ME. And now my toe is swollen and purple and BROKEN and oh my God do not touch my toe owwwwwwwww.......

Now I don't know who they think is going to open up the cans of cat food once they do away with me; I guess they haven't gotten that far yet in their evil plan.

"Pull my finger", says The Runt.




oh, wait, I don't HAVE fingers ....... hmmmm..........


Think it all the way through first, guys.

3 comments:

Bridgett said...

My cat has decided to go apeshit over any mechanical noise that might be a can-opener (not that I have an electric can-opener) and attack anyone with a can in hand. She doesn't eat canned food. She only rarely gets tuna juice. I don't know what this jones for canned goods is, but it's really getting on my nerves.

Also, in crazy cat news (hey, I'm sure you're interested in the details), my cat's discovered the empty box at the top of the stairs. In the box. Out of the box. In the box. Out of the box. For about 45 minutes. Right before I went to bed. My cat is as graceful as a bowling ball and just as heavy. So thud. A-thud. Thud. A-thud. In the echoey hallway. Finally, I had to seize the box and stick it in another room and close the door so I could go to sleep. Then she spent the next hour fishing under the door with her paw to try to get the box back. I don't know what her plan was for getting it under the door crack, but cats are not such great strategic thinkers, I've noticed. Anyhow, she's getting more OCD as she gets older.

kitkat said...

Bridgett's paw-under-the-door story reminds me of my cat, Kira. If I go into the bathroom downstairs and shut the door, she'll immediately come over and stick her paws under the door as if to say, "Come back!"

I think my cat Diego must hate his tail and paws because he seems hell bent on getting them stepped on in the kitchen. You'd think they'd learn...

rockygrace said...

All cats are weird - but at least your cats aren't trying to kill you!

And my guys love to take turns crawling under the recliner and sticking just their paws out so the other one can pounce.