I think the cats are trying to kill me.
Little Girl has a disconcerting habit of waiting until I'm asleep, and then wrapping herself around my head like a scarf. At first I thought it was cute, but now I'm wondering if she's trying to smother me, due to a little trick The Runt has picked up: He winds himself around my feet when I am trying to walk.
It was endearing at first, because he's not the friendliest cat in the world, but I've almost gone sprawling several times. And last night, he ambushed me from beneath a chair, springing out at the last second, and in the ensuing scramble to not step on the cat you will smush it, I banged my foot into the chair, HARD, and broke my friggin' toe. Or, if you will, THE GODDAM CAT BROKE MY TOE FOR ME. And now my toe is swollen and purple and BROKEN and oh my God do not touch my toe owwwwwwwww.......
Now I don't know who they think is going to open up the cans of cat food once they do away with me; I guess they haven't gotten that far yet in their evil plan.
"Pull my finger", says The Runt.
oh, wait, I don't HAVE fingers ....... hmmmm..........
Think it all the way through first, guys.