Stupid Question of the Day (Or, Possibly, of the Year)

So I was just sitting here thinking about random stuff, and for whatever reason I got to thinking about chicken farming, and I asked myself ............ wait for it ...............

"Do chickens nurse?"


Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I am an idiot.

Because Some Days You Just Want To Bite Something

I would never last for any length of time on a semi-liquid diet. As tasty as Frosties and soup and yogurt are, I have really missed eating solid food. And it's only been two days! This morning I actually ate part of a bagel without my head exploding, and I haven't had to take any Advil in several hours, so hopefully I am on the mend.

I don't know why I have such a hard time with dental pain. I mean, I broke my wrist a few years ago, and I was able to handle that pain with no problem. I guess, thanks to my jaw disorder, I am afraid that when my mouth starts to hurt, there will be no end. It will just keep hurting forever. Because back when my TMJD kicked in for the very first time, I was in pain for two months straight, until I finally found a dentist who correctly diagnosed me and was able to come up with a solution. (Thank you, Dr. Palumbaro!) One doctor with whom I consulted told me that I might just have to learn to live with the pain. For the rest of my life. And then he actually laughed. Bastard. For the first time, I understood just how debilitating and demoralizing chronic pain can be.

Oh, and the fact that I went in for a routine cleaning and came out in immense pain due to the dentist GOUGING OUT THE BOTTOM OF MY MOUTH may had have something to do with it.
Thanks, everybody, for listening to me bitch these last few days, and for offering helpful suggestions. Hopefully, I'll have something cheerier to write about next week!

Dilemma

If the maximum recommended dose of Advil is two tablets every four hours, and you're not supposed to exceed six tablets in 24 hours, that means a coverage time of twelve hours. What's a poor girl supposed to do for the other twelve hours?

I tried going without Advil last night while sleeping, with pretty grim results when I got up this morning. I actually turned around and went right back to bed, making me (very) late for work. Anything stronger than Advil messes with my stomach. Any advice?

Yet Another Dental Diet

Since yesterday morning's debacle at the dentist, I have been able to eat anything I want .... as long as it's in liquid or semi-liquid form. I ate Wendy's Frosties yesterday afternoon until I could not eat any more (for the record, that would be one and a half Frosties). Yogurt is fine, and coffee is my new best friend, as the warmth seems to help with the pain. Oh, and cookies soaked in coffee until they are mush are quite good as well.

Last night I made the tactical error of trying to eat solid food for dinner (the audacity!), and let's just say that it was a mistake. Because then my TMJD (jaw disorder) came roaring back with a vengeance, and now every time I swallow, it feels like something is trying to saw its way out of my jaw and through my ear with a knife.

The dentist's office called last night to make sure I was still alive, and upon hearing that I was still in pain, they asked if I wanted to come in right then. Um, not so much. So then they asked if I would like to come in first thing this morning, and I said that I would like to take a "wait and see" approach. Because frankly, the LAST place I want to be right now is at the dentist's. Gee, I wonder why?

So anyway, when I got off the phone, at first I was all like, "oh, it's so nice that they're all concerned", and my second thought was, "they're all concerned because they're afraid I am going to SUE THEIR PANTS OFF". Of course, as long as they're willing to make things right, I'm not going to sue. But they don't know that. Heh heh. So then I was thinking, "maybe I could get, like, free dental treatment for life!" But that would involve going back to the dentist who just gouged the shit out of my mouth, so I guess I've got to give the whole thing more thought.

Jesus CHRIST!

I had to go to the dentist this morning. For a simple cleaning. The dentist decided she wanted to shave a little bit off my crown, the drill slipped, and I currently have a giant gouge in the bottom of my mouth and a jaw full of novocaine.

At least I got the cleaning for free.

According to an internet quiz....

.... these are the candidates with whom I agree most closely on the issues. I have no idea who Mike Gravel is.

78% Barack Obama
76% Mike Gravel
76% Bill Richardson
74% John Edwards
74% Dennis Kucinich
73% Chris Dodd
73% Hillary Clinton
71% Joe Biden
38% Rudy Giuliani
37% Ron Paul
37% Mitt Romney
30% John McCain
30% Tom Tancredo
22% Mike Huckabee
22% Fred Thompson

Click below to take the quiz! It only takes a couple of minutes. Have some fun!
2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Disclaimer: I have no idea if the creators of this particular quiz were pushing a certain agenda, or if they were slanted or biased in any way. But what the heck, it's just an internet quiz. Try not to take it too seriously, ok?

Yep, It's Monday

It just took my boss over two hours to dictate a two-page memo.

I must say, while I do not particularly enjoy working on the weekend, it is much easier to get stuff done without nine million interruptions. (Mr. N., PLEASE STOP CALLING. We are working diligently on your project. Your constant phone calls and "just stopping by" to see how your project is going is not helping anything, and is starting to piss us off. Just sayin'.)

You can also tell it's Monday because I'm grousing about this petty stuff.

Speed Racer

I had to come into work this morning. Taking dictation on Saturday morning can cause extreme drowsiness, so I just drank two cups of coffee, snarfed down a doughnut, and am now working on a can of Mountain Dew.

I am my own little lab experiment this morning - the effects of extreme amounts of caffeine and sugar on the human body. This could get interesting.

UPDATED TO ADD: It's now almost 4 p.m., I'm still at work, and we can add a large Pepsi (the boss ordered takeout for lunch) to the mix.

Oh, and I was originally only supposed to work "for a couple of hours" today. But we all know how that goes.

This Says More About Me Than I Care To Admit

I am inordinately excited about McDonald's bringing back the McRib. Whooo-hoooo!

God, I love McRibs. I read something on line about McD's bringing them back, and then last night, I drove past a McD's and the reader board said something about McRibs, and I almost pulled in and picked up a couple. Because they are good!

Now, I can make myself a pork sandwich at home, with the slivered onions and the pickle slices, even, and it just doesn't taste like a McRib. (I'm sure that's because McD's probably uses all kinds of nefarious additives. TASTY nefarious additives.) And while I very rarely eat fast food (honest! I even brown-bag my lunch to work!), I am going to be eating McRibs until they yank them off the menu again. And I don't care what anybody says. LALALALAnotlisteningLALALAMcRibsaregoodLALALA!!

And for all you food snobs out there who are making gaggy-faces and going, "Oh my God! McRibs are horrible!" Screw you. I like 'em and I'm not ashamed. Much.

Tour T-Shirts

A while back, my sister TIB said some really nasty (and untrue) things about me. My sister Texas and I were laughing about it on the phone (because what else can you do?), and agreed that we should have t-shirts made up chronicling her comments (because we are twelve). And, since I'm heading down to Texas for a visit next month, what better time than the present?

I just can't decide whether I want the design to go on the front or the back of the shirts. What do you think?

It's Like a Heat Wave

I wasn't planning on going for a walk yesterday, but when I got up it was 37 degrees outside. Woo-hoo! So I headed for State Park.

Here's one of the creeks:

And deer:

I just loved this snowman scene in the charcoal grill. I don't know if it started out this grisly, or if the warming temperatures turned an ordinary snowman scenario into snowmanicide:

There were lots of kids on Sled Hill, and tons of cross-country skiers. Which made me think about possibly getting some skis myself, but seeing as how I can break bones just walking (State Park, slipped on ice, wrist, 2002), that's maybe not a great idea.

Santa, How Could You?!

My on-line "Secret Santa" evidently decided to opt out. Sheesh!

Recently Read

1. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. I loved this one! (And no, I'd never read it before. Evidently my education was sorely lacking in some respects.) I just finished it a few days ago, and I keep wondering what happened to the Joads after the end of the book (Yes, I know it was fiction. But still.) I 've started doing a little reading about the Dust Bowl since I started this one.

2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High by Cameron Crowe. Itt was a book before it was a movie! Who knew?! I was a little surprised that this one was in the Young Adult section of the library, as some of the content was pretty explicit. Enjoyable, but if you've seen the movie, there's not a whole lot more in the book.

3. Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan. This novella is a quick, enjoyable read.

4. Perishable by Dirk Jamison. This is a memoir about a guy whose entire family was basically bonkers. It was OK, but not a "must-read-again".

5. Sister Mine by Tawni O'Dell. I read "Back Roads" by her and liked it, but I couldn't get into this one. Never even finished it, actually.

6. Dishwasher by Pete Jordan. The memoir of a guy who set out to wash dishes in all fifty states. I liked it, but this guy is such a major slacker, he was really getting on my nerves by the end.

7. Right now, I'm reading "Peace Like A River" by Leif Enger, and it's very good. I'll be sad when I'm finished reading it.


So! That's what I've been reading! Does anyone have any suggestions for good books to read?

Score!! At the Thrift Store

Last night after work, I stopped at one of the local thrift stores. I picked up two pairs of pinstriped dress slacks for seven bucks (that's seven bucks for both pairs, not seven bucks each), and a pair of gold-colored, 9" decorative sconces (which will look great over a couple of my doorframes), with the JC Penney $17.99 price stickers still on them, for a buck.

I know some people turn up their noses at the whole "thrift store" thing, and yeah, sometimes you've gotta wade through a ton of crap to find anything good, and yes, you are buying clothes that someone else has worn (admittedly kind of skeevy, but hey, that's what washing machines are for), and yes, you are shopping where the poor people shop, but damn, I love a bargain! And there is no way I could afford my wardrobe if I was buying it retail.

Bringin' the Snark

Just give me a minute, while I grow several inches and put on about a hundred pounds so the Size Large holiday-themed (shudder) sweatshirt I got for Christmas will fit. Large? Seriously? WTF?


Oh, and would anyone like a Jeff Foxworthy "You Might Be A Redneck" page-a-day calendar? No? I didn't think so. I'm still on August 28 of this year's "Bad Cat" page-a-day calendar.


Maybe it's intentional. Is there such a thing as passive-aggressive gift-giving?

I Am Legend

I decided to go to the movies yesterday, and I had it narrowed down to "Sweeney Todd" or "I Am Legend". I had heard that Sweeney Todd was pretty violent and bloody, so I decided to .... go see Will Smith Versus The Zombies! Yay! Probably not the best choice for Christmas day, as it was violent and zombie-ful!

I spent a good chunk of the movie with my hands over my face, peering out between my fingers like a little kid, because, well, ZOMBIES! But it was ok, because there were only about six other people in the theater, and I don't think any of them saw me. I also may have yelped out "Yikes!" once or twice.

The whole "Bob Marley love-is-a-virus" speech was kind of a dud, and I couldn't figure out why they brought in the God factor, but overall I enjoyed it. The computer-generated zombies weren't particularly scary, other than the fact that, Hello, they're ZOMBIES! Zombies=scary, but there were some nifty special effects, and loud explosions (REALLY loud, the volume was cranked), and I was glad I went. And I only got teary-eyed twice (once with the dog, and once with the grenade, for those who have seen it).

Although, afterwards, when I was getting ready to take a walk by the creek, and I had to think it over, because there might be ZOMBIES by the creek, I realized that I may have taken the movie a bit too seriously.

I Swore I'd Never Do This .........

Sorry about that, Rocky. Merry Christmas!

Not Scrooge-y Enough ......

...... to leave a political rant at the top of the blog on Christmas Eve. So, Merry Christmas, everybody!

I Don't Even Know How To Put This

NOTE: This post has had most of the swearing edited out, in honor of it being Christmas Eve and all.

It scares the pants off of me that people might actually vote for Barack Obama just because Oprah endorsed him. Oprah. Effing. Winfrey.


Now, I have nothing against Barack Obama. Heck, I might even vote for him. Might. To be honest, I have not really researched the presidential candidates yet. I figure, I've got almost a year, right? Plenty of time. And you know that there are plenty of candidates currently in the race who are going to disappear off the radar screen completely between now and next November.


But it scares me to think that there are people out there who are not going to do any research at all. Who are too effing lazy or ignorant or who just don't care enough to get off their hind ends and go pick up a reputable newspaper or newsmagazine (NOT the National Enquirer, thankyouverymuch) and find out what these candidates believe and what they stand for (or against). Heck, you don't even have to pick up a paper. Just go on line. Again, to reputable sites. Check your sources.


Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who will not make the effort. But will go vote anyway, because, heck, if Oprah says he's a great guy, that's good enough for me! And that's a shame. Do me a favor: If you are not willing to take the time to be an informed voter, stay away from the voting booth. Just stay home. There are enough jerks out there who will vote for someone just because Oprah (or Chuck Norris, or Curt Schilling, or whoever) said to.


Sidebar: According to a column by Chuck Raasch (who I don't normally read, so don't get all up in my butt if the guy's a tool), the following appears on a Chuck Norris fan club web site: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live". That cracks me up.


Anyhow, here is my point (and I do have one): Your vote is YOUR VOTE. No one else's. Use it wisely. Or just stay home. Seriously. There'll be enough uninformed voters out there as it is. Just look who's in the White House right now. A few more voters doing a little more research could've stopped that rat bastard right in his tracks.

A Little Advice for the Gents

Every year, in addition to my Christmas bonus, my boss gets me a small gift. It's usually a brooch or a bracelet from the local, WAAAY too expensive snooty jewelry store. And the brooch or bracelet is always silver.

Here's the problem. I don't wear silver jewelry. Never have. I do not like silver jewelry. While I wear jewelry to the office every day, it is always gold. (Ok, ok, gold-PLATED. Because I am cheap.) While I am grateful for the gifts from the boss, I always wonder where he got the idea that I like silver jewelry, seeing as how I never wear it.

So! Guys! I know you have not started your Christmas shopping yet, and will not start until Monday evening. And that's ok. But here's the thing: Find out what your significant other would actually LIKE to receive as a gift before you head to the mall. Because those salespeople are pushy this time of year, and you will get confused.

It's ok to ask. Really! A simple, "Honey, what would you like for Christmas?" is just fine. Believe me, she knows how much you earn, and unless she is a total gold-digger, she's not gonna ask for something completely out of your price range. Oh, and if there's advertisements for a certain pair of earrings taped to the fridge, that's a pretty safe bet. Also: You can ask her mother. Moms always know what their daughters like. Although, if your significant other does not get along with her mom, you probably want to avoid this route.

Also: If you have never seen her wear, say, purple, DO NOT BUY HER A PURPLE SWEATER. If she never wears purple, she does NOT LIKE PURPLE. There, that was easy, wasn't it? If she wears a lot of, say, blue and green, a subtly-patterned blue and green sweater is probably a pretty safe bet. But keep the receipt. Just in case.

Finally: That "Lane Bryant" store in the mall? Is for plus-sized women. If your woman is plus-sized, this is a fine store to shop in. If your woman is not plus-sized, she will not appreciate a gift from Lane Bryant. Trust me on this one.

That is all! Hope I helped.