It was like "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle", except without the weed

So I'm at  work yesterday afternoon,  cleaning up my desk because it's almost quitting time,  when the phone rings,  and the Caller ID says it's my neighbor,  L.

Please forgive me,  but my first thought was, "What NOW?"

But!  L. just wanted to take me out to dinner, because I'd done her and her husband B. some favors lately.

Awwww.  How nice.

Except, as I was to learn, I'd have to drive, because, as it turned out, B. had taken their car to do a little bar hopping, so L. was all pissed off and wanted to teach him a lesson by being out when he finally wandered home and

these people are in their SEVENTIES.  What. the. f*ck.

So we started for dinner, me driving, except L., after asking me where I'd like to eat, turned down the places I suggested because they don't serve alcohol and L. wanted a drink with dinner (oh, honey, maybe learn a lesson from the hubs, here) and the first other place didn't have enough cars in the parking lot, never a good  sign, and the second other place was packed, and then L. remembered that she had to stop at an ATM, and right after THAT her phone rang and it was her son who reported that B., her husband, was at a local Legion and had lost his keys and could I give her a ride back home to pick up the spare keys and then take her to go pick up B. at the Legion, twenty miles away, and

you know what?

I used to live with an alcoholic.  I've DONE my time in enabler land.  I have PAID my flipping dues.

Yes, I took her to the Legion, because I did not want that old f*ck of a husband of hers to drive drunk and possibly kill someone on the way home.  I will tell you what,  I don't know why, but for whatever reason, drunks would rather slit their wrists then call a damn cab. It's like admitting that hello, I have a problem here, and that is ONE thing that a drunk will not admit.  So I took her to the Legion.   NO, I did not go inside.  I told her that what went on between her and B. was their business, and I was not going to get in the middle, and that she should leave with the car (she had not been drinking before I picked her up, so I knew she was good to drive) and tell B. he'd have to call a cab whether he liked it or not if he refused to come along. 

I just ... you know, I'm all for helping neighbors, you know?  And it wasn't like I had any big plans for last night, so dinner with L. sounded good to me, except for the clusterf*ck it turned into. And when I got home,  I discovered that she had tucked a twenty into the car console, evidently for gas money.  But this whole thing just makes me uncomfortable.  I am NOT going to start being drunk B.'s car service, and I am NOT gonna get swept up into alcohol drama. And I never did get any damn dinner. And why can't I have normal neighbors?!

Sheesh.