A master of military strategy, living right next door

On Saturday morning, I was outside taking down the giant halloween bats, when I saw my neighbor B. heading out to his mailbox.

"Rocky!", he called.  "I've got a secret!  I'm comin' over."

Oh boy, I thought.  What now?

He shuffled his way over, still in his bathrobe, although without the cigar and giant glass of scotch that usually accompany him, probably because it WAS only ten-thirty.

"Guess what I did on Halloween?," he said.  "I tricked the whole neighborhood!  Oh, I got you guys GOOD!"

ummmmmm...

"You did?," I asked.  "What did you do?"

And then he went into this long story about taking dishwashing liquid and something else which I can't remember and making fake blood and getting someone to write notes and smear the blood all over the neighbor's CARS and

"Waaaaaait a minute," I said.  "That ... baggie?  In front of my garage? That was YOU?"

The day after Halloween, when I left for work,  I noticed a little zip-lock baggie with what looked like liquefied coffee grounds in it on my driveway.  I really didn't think much of it, just picked it up and put it in the trash, thinking maybe it was some weird Halloween kid thing.  Little did I know, it was my pushing-eighty NEIGHBOR.

"It was ME!," he chuckled.  "I got you, and J. next to me, and ooooooh, there was blood all OVER that Corvette across the street!  It washes right off, you know!"

And now I'm thinking that this guy is lucky he's still breathing, if he or whoever wrote the notes for him was going around marking up people's cars.  Hahahaha that's not funny.

And THEN he goes into this big long story about going to see Captain Phillips and he's telling me the whole story line, so now I guess I don't have to bother to get it on Netflix, and he's telling me about how he STOOD UP in the theater and told the people on the screen how they're doing it wrong because everybody KNOWS that when you call in a naval military strike you need air support and

I'll bet he's a real scream to go to the movies with.

He then proceeded to give me a blow-by-blow on Gravity, so now I guess I don't want to rent that one EITHER.

*sigh*

I think the dude needs a hobby or something.  Or something.