Thursday, November 14, 2013
How to break up with the neighbors
Okay, so, yeah, B. comes barging over last night, and at first he just wanted to plop himself on my couch and b*tch about L., but then he started not making any sense, and he started ORDERING me to look up phone numbers for him so he could dial his buddies, and I'm all, like, "Dude, you do NOT order me around. I WILL tell you to leave," and so then he took my landline phone and threw it on the FLOOR when he couldn't dial a number right
and it was then that I told him I had to go check on my laundry and I grabbed my cell and ducked into the garage and called 911, which, holy sh*t, is there anything worse than having to call 911?
and yeah, you guys can probably tell that I'm still a little worked up over this whole clustermess.
So the cops come, and by this time B. had gone outside so he could have a smoke (thank GOD), and they talked to B. and L., and L. left to go stay at her son's house, and B. agreed to stay home and not cause any more trouble (HA), and I DID find out that they yanked B.'s driver's license on Monday, which is a good, good thing because driving drunk is NOT FUNNY and
and now I have to figure out how to break up with my neighbors.
"It's not you, it's me"?
Okay, no, no, that's complete bullsh*t.
"It's not me, it's you"?
Much closer.
How about, "I have had it with your crazy*ss antics, and I am TIRED of listening to the two of you b*tch about each other, and obviously you've had this kind of dynamic going for the last, oh, FIFTY F*CKING YEARS or so, but LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!"
Yeah, I think that might do it.
Christ on a cracker, why did I have to end up living next to these people?
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4 comments:
And oh my lord, you guys, I forgot to add - When I went out back to the trash can this morning, I discovered that B. had mowed his backyard yesterday.
There is snow on the ground here. HE MOWED THE SNOW.
Hopefully, having the cops called on him will be the BIG RED FLAG that you are over their antics. Hopefully, out of embarrassment, they'll leave you alone or apologize and then leave you alone.
If not, I say straight up ignore them. If you tell them you don't want them around, they'll ask why and try to explain things. It'll give them space to start in with their drama or try to argue their way back in. You don't owe them anything.
No explanation should be necessary. He knows you called the police, right? That should be a clue. On the other hand, this is M....
Yep, you guys are right. Ignore, ignore, ignore is my motto from now on.
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