Last week, I hand-addressed the company's Christmas cards.
All one hundred of them.
Every year, I hope that the boss will forgo the Christmas card ridiculousness. I mean, we send out a SHIT-TON of cards to vendors and clients, and every year we get, like, TWO back. Waste of freaking time.
But every year, some time around Thanksgiving, he brings up the cards. And of course, it's MY job to come up with card options for him to choose from. I always give him a tasteful choice of cards, with cards featuring our profession, and cards featuring a charity, and cards with interesting graphics. And every year, he overrides me and chooses ...
Cards featuring Labrador puppies. From Ducks Unlimited.
Now, I like dogs as much as the next pers- okay, that's a total lie. I hate dogs. I hate that they smell and they're too freaking stupid to clean themselves, so you have to give them baths. I hate that they're too damn dumb to cover up their shit, so you have to clean up after them. I hate that they're so idiotic that if you let one out the door it can't find its own damn way home, so you have to walk them. On a leash. I hate flippin' dog OWNERS, who assume everyone else on the planet loves dogs and wants to be bowled over by an out-of-control dog. Blech. And I hate having to look at pictures of dumb-ass dogs, over and over again, as I'm stuffing the envelopes.
Okay. Change the subject.
So. The cards had been chosen and ordered. Next up, I compile a list of potential Christmas card recipients, based on the previous year's list, and give it to my boss for review. And he promptly places it on his desk and ignores it. For weeks. Until, a couple of weeks before Christmas, I just grab the damn list and start doing cards, because obviously, my boss, the one who INSISTS we do cards every year, cannot be bothered to give a shit about who the cards actually GO to.
Ha! You know what? I think next year I should send cards to, like, NAMBLA or whatever that pedophile group is. And Hitler Youth. And Devil Worshippers United of Central New York.
I'll bet at least we'd get some cards in return. And I bet they'd be really, really interesting cards, too. Merry Christmas, and lock the doors!
ho ho ho!
9 comments:
I used to work for a publishing house, and I tell you this much: the owners knew exactly which companies sent us cards and which did not, and they kept that in mind. Weird and seemingly stupid? Oh hell yes. But strangely important at times.
They kept score? Via who sent them Christmas cards? hahahaha that is CRAZY.
Nutty as a pair of fruitcakes, but yep. Those Xmas cards you send out may b more important than you have any idea.
Actually, I'm not much of a dog person but I do think the puppies are cute. Frozen, as it were, in time.
I think the holiday cards are really just a socially acceptable way to advertise. It's like, "Hey, remember us? Call us sometime!" Ordinarily, that message would get tossed, but because it's holiday time and there's a nice picture on the front, people save it and maybe they'll think about doing business with the sender again.
Valid points, all, except any client so batshit crazy that he keeps score via Christmas cards is not really a client I want, anyway - I deal with enough crazy-ass clients as it is.
It would be so much easier if the boss would just let me address the cards via computer - if he wants the damn things hand-addressed, let HIM write 'em out. Oh, wait, that's what I'M there for. *sigh*
I hate dogs too. Actually they scare the shit out of me! Don't tell anyone!
Someone needs to invent a font system that you can design with your own handwriting. Like, you could write a couple sample sentences, and it would generate a font that looks like your own handwriting. Handwritten holiday cards in a snap!
LL, your secret is safe with me. And Kate, that's a great idea!
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