Wednesday, May 07, 2008

You Sneeze Like a Girl

You know how some women, when they sneeze, kind of like suppress the sneeze, so instead of coming out "achoo!", it's more like, "squeak!"

That drives me crazy.

On the other end of the spectrum are the histrionic sneezers, who instead of going "achoo!", go, like, "ah-ah-ah-ah-AH-CHHHOOOOOOOO-oo-oo-*snort**sniffle**coughcoughcough*-loudly-blow-nose-then-sigh."

Give me a break. Unless you are suffering from swine flu, you do not need to sneeze like that. And if you are suffering from swine flu, go home and get the fuck away from me.

Hack-Em-Up-Ed, one of my coworkers, sneezes like a girl. Which is mystifying to me, because he has absolutely no compunction whatsoever about coughing up his lungs, LOUDLY, on a regular basis. But every time he sneezes, it's that little "squeak!" And then I want to punch him. Oh, and also, every time I walk behind him, I want to grab a pair of scissors and cut off his ponytail. (Seriously, dude? You're in your thirties. You have a wife and two kids. It's time to lose the freaking ponytail.)

Now, some would say I'm being judgmental. Lately, it seems, that word is all over the internet. "He's so judgmental." "Don't be so judgmental."

You know what? Damn right, I'm judgmental. I judge people all the time, every single day. And frankly, I don't know what's wrong with that. How are we to form our own moral compasses without judging the actions of others? Tell me, what's wrong with being judgmental?! Oh, and plus, it's fun!

Phew. That's out. I feel better now. And judgmental.

And seriously? I really feel like that word needs another "e". It should totally be spelled "judgemental". Shouldn't it? Doesn't it look better that way? You be the judge.


Blake said...

You shouldn't be so judgmental of the spelling of the word judgmental. Just kidding, you're right it does look better with an "e" in it.

Also, I'm with you on the giant sneezers. The worst are the people who are just all around sneezey. No joke, I used to work with a guy who sneezed so much it was not uncommon for him to sneeze while you were in his office and he would just have sneeze juice running down his hand and think nothing of it. Seriously it's an imagine that both keeps me awake at night and makes me want to puke every time I think of it. Ewh!

Rockycat said...

"Sneeze juice"?! Grossssss!