What's the Punishment for Giving a Wedgie?

From the local newspaper:

SEVEN SECOND-GRADERS CHARGED IN BEATING PLOT

"Seven male second-grade students at Margaretville Central School District have been charged by New York State Police at Margaretville, accused of plotting to attack a classmate last week.

The charges were filed after a parent of the targeted student learned of the plot May 7 and informed school officials the next day, state police said.

The seven were charged with fifth-degree conspiracy, a misdemeanor. The boys were two 7-year-olds, four 8-year-olds, and one 9-year-old.

State police referred questions to the school district.

Margaretville School Superintendent John Riedl was not available for comment Tuesday."
- Jim Wright

I am just dying to learn the backstory on this one. I mean, come on, seven year olds? On the one hand, ok, maybe this is a group of vicious little bullies, and the school district finally got fed up and called the cops. But the State Police? Why not just call the Feds while you're at it, for Pete's sake?

And can you imagine that phone convo, when the superintendent called the Staties? "Um, well, officer, we thought maybe you could come over and just .... well, scare them. You know, take away their sippy cups or something."

And I can totally see Officer Whoever sighing, getting up from his desk, and heading over to the school to put the fear of God into the little thugs. But at what point did things escalate to charges being filed?

And why is a nine year old still in second grade? Get this kid some tutoring, or something. The worksheets are not that hard. If you can't make it through the second grade, I truly fear for the rest of your academic career.

And I'm sure the parents of the accused are all up in arms over the wrong done to their little angels. And to them I say: Think about this, Mom and Dad. Your seven-year-old is such a little bastard the police are filing charges against him. You might want to pay a little bit closer attention to what the little darling is up to.

And I was thinking, if schoolyard bullying had resulted in criminal charges being filed back when I was in elementary school, half the class would have ended up in Alcatraz.