Thursday, February 04, 2016

Facebook. Hoo boy.

Yesterday, an acquaintance re-posted a thing on Facebook.  One of those annoying re-posted ... things.  I don't know what you call them. Those sayings that get re-posted all over the place.  This one was all, "My parents spanked me when I was a child and I turned out okay!  Kids NEED a little discipline.  Lack of discipline is what's wrong with our country today!  Spanking is not abuse.  Share if you agree."

I'm paraphrasing, here, because I'm not about to go digging through my feed to find that piece of work again, but that was the general gist.

Um.  Man oh MAN, I wanted to reply:

Physical abuse is not okay.  If you messed up at work, would you think that a logical reaction would be for your boss to put you over his knee and spank you?  No?  THEN WHY IS IT OKAY TO HIT A KID?

Do you think it's okay to hit the family pet?  No?  THEN WHY IS IT OKAY TO HIT A KID?

You know, I was never spanked as a child.  Not once.  My parents put up with a lot of age-typical bullsh*t from Toddler Me, loved me dearly, and as I grew older they made clear what their age-appropriate expectations were of me.  If I got out of line, all it took was a look from Dad or a word from Mom and I was so embarrassed that I had disappointed them that I corrected myself.  And really, I don't know if they had an actual No Hitting policy or if it had more to do with the fact that my parents were not the touchy-huggy physical contact type in general, but regardless, I was never hit as a kid.  And somehow I came out FINE.  Go figure.

And you know, I used to be of the "spanking is NBD" persuasion.  But after enduring domestic violence myself (no, not recently, many years ago), I just can't justify hitting other people anymore.  LEAST OF ALL CHILDREN.

I didn't say anything in reply to that post last night from my acquaintance.  It wasn't going to change her mind.  And, I mean, that is the same person who says she likes Trump because "he says what he thinks", so ugh, consider the source. You say tomato, I say tomahto, whatevs. Plus, having never been a parent myself, I suspect I may lack a vital perspective when it comes to issues involving offspring.  But more and more, I AM SO HAPPY I HAVE THIS BLOG RIGHT HERE, because this is where I go to vent about Facebook.  Ha.

And now I'm curious - Where do you stand?  Spanking, right or wrong?


Becs said...

Spanking is wrong. It left scars on me that took decades to finally fade away. I know my life is the poorer for it.

TheQueen said...

Never spanked. Got a few swats from the yellow plastic butterfly shaped flyswatter.

profbridgett said...

I was spanked. It was not abuse, but neither did it accomplish its goal of correction. If anything, it made me a little more headstrong and "screw you, buddy" to authority figures generally. Likewise, I have spanked from time to time (despite my own experiences and knowing that it just doesn't work). When I have, I feel like it has undermined my position of authority by suggesting that the only reason I'm in charge is because I can coerce my kid by force if necessary and that there isn't a reciprocal "here's how we do things here and what you're doing right now is harming the relationship" connection. Spanking is meant to be assymetrical -- you're hitting someone who can't hit you back. Just not a very good way to run a family. I regret that I did it.

rockygrace said...

Becs, I'm sorry you went through that.

Queen, my parents would sometimes give me a playful swat-on-the-butt in fun. Whap! It's funny that you remember the exact flyswatter.

And profbridgett, I can understand the urge to want to hit a misbehaving child. Quick fix! Heck, there's some misbehaving *adults* I'd like to wallop. But I don't hit other adults, because violence ain't the answer to most situations, and frankly, because they might hit back. So if it's not right to hit an adult, why is it okay to hit a kid? Took me a lot of years to come around to that way of thinking, tbh, so I hope you're not beating yourself up now because you once paddled your child. I completely get the impulse to *want* to hit, even if you know it ain't gonna work.

Domestic Kate said...

I was spanked once or twice I think. My parents also used THE LOOK, which was quite effective. Spanking doesn't work, so morality aside, there's nothing good that'll come of it. A lot of people who think they came out okay, actually didn't. They're more likely to have cognitive issues, aggression, and criminal behavior. Thankfully, spanking is on its way out. We're kind of obsessed with not spoiling children; it would be nice if we were instead obsessed with loving and nurturing them so they'll become kind people.