Our New Superhero!

I was just flipping through my Rolodex (why yes, I AM a billion years old!), and came across a mysterious card. It was not written in my handwriting, nor the handwriting of anyone in the office. It was, however, unmistakably female handwriting, which makes me think one of the temps must have stuck it in there.**

Anyway, all that was written on the card were the words "Climate Control Chuck", followed by a local phone number.

Hmmmm. I could use ol' Chuck right about now. The climate in this neck of the woods is in serious need of some control. I wonder what his Superhero outfit looks like. I wonder if he charges for his services, or if he just dashes around changing the weather for free.

Maybe I should give him a call.



**Seriously? I hatehatehate it when I get back from vacation and the temp has taken it upon herself to rearrange my office space. Particularly the desktop on my computer. Honey, you're only here for a week. I'm here for the foreseeable future. DO NOT mess with my stuff. I have been here for twenty-plus (yikes) years, and I have it arranged this way for a reason. If you're that damn bored, go scrub the bathroom or something.

My Bathroom - Let Me Show You It

My bathroom is tiny. The total "walkable" space (not including toilet, tub or sink) is 2.5 feet by 3.5 feet. Tiny! Here is my bathroom before I started painting. Try to ignore the round green heron pic; I know it's tacky, but I just can't seem to rid myself of it. Anyhow, the bathroom had off-white walls, with a white ceiling:

Here is my bathroom after:

The back wall is a mint green. I was going to do all the walls this color, but after doing the one, I realized the bathroom was going to look like the inside of a toothpaste tube if I continued with that plan. So I did the rest of the walls yellow, the ceiling and shelving blue, and the trim "fuchsia fizz".

Not sure if this is an improvement or not, but it sure is "different". Hey, if I get sick of it, I'll just paint it again.

The Spec That Would Not Die: Update

Last night, 175 single-spaced pages of spec went out the door. Unfortunately, we're still not done. The boss estimates another 20 hours of work, but you have to triple any estimate he gives you to arrive at a realistic number, so that means another 60 hours to go. Sigh.

I'm really, really glad that when this thing first floated onto my radar screen (last summer!), I had no idea how long it would actually take. I have no doubt that the project (a hotel/restaurant/meeting center) will be constructed in less time than it took to write the spec. And of course, once the thing goes out for bid, that's when the addenda rear their ugly heads. And once construction starts, then we're talking change orders and revisions and ......... oh, well. 175 pages of it is done. That's something, right? Right.

Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

So, I got the fish tank all set up and went to the pet store to get some fish. I picked out the kind I wanted, the girl working the tanks asked how many, and I said, "two".

She asked if I cared if they were male or female. I was looking at the tank set-ups, so I just said "no" over my shoulder. Then I thought about it, and said, "...... well, if I get a boy and a girl, they'll have babies, right?"

Bless her, she did not laugh. She just said, "Well, yeah, that's the way it usually works".

So I said, "Ok, I'll take two males or two females, whichever you net out first".

So I went home with two females.

It wasn't until I woke up this morning that it struck me: They could already be pregnant.

Looks like the store clerk got the last laugh.

Heresy

I am thinking about getting another cat. Or two.

I know, I KNOW. I feel terrible guilt just thinking about it. Or writing it down. But I'm just so damn lonely and sad right now, and I did something really bad last night.

I went to an animal shelter. NOT the nice clean shelter where I donated Rocky's food. This was another local shelter, a kind-of-skeevy, smelly, noisy shelter. And I felt so damn bad for those poor cats that I was ready to pile every single one of them into my car and take them home with me.

I did not, of course. Although such was my desperation that there were two cats in particular that I was ready to take home. And I was all, like, "no no no don't do anything rash step back and think about this and maybe come back in a week and if they're still here it was meant to be and .........." Oh, I am losing it.

So I went home, took several deep breaths (or sobs .... hey, if the shoe fits), and thought about the situation. I remembered that at one point the nice shelter where I took Rocky's food was looking for "foster families" to take in cats on a temporary basis until there was room for them at the shelter. I don't know if they're still doing this, but .......... I called and left a message on their answering machine, saying I might be interested.

Also, goldfish. I am going to get a goldfish bowl this weekend and a couple of fish.

I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not a terrible person for thinking about getting another cat. Or two. I miss Rocky terribly. I'm just lonely. And sad.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Winter

10. If school is cancelled due to snow, the municipalities do not bother to send out the plows. They worry about the safety of the kiddoes, but we adults are on our own.

9. Getting up in the dark, going to work in the dark, and coming home in the dark.

8. Having to scrape an inch of ice and/or a foot of snow off your car every other flippin' day. And then you slip and fall in the driveway and land right on your tailbone and it hurts for ..... well, it still hurts, actually.

7. Eleven below on the back porch. With twenty mile-per-hour wind gusts. Good times!

6. Not being able to walk in the woods for several months due to snow and/or ice covered trails. I can show you the x-rays to prove it.

5. Christmas, that loveliest of holidays, is followed by January. And February.

4. No three-day weekends between New Year's and Memorial Day. That's FIVE MONTHS, folks, in case anyone's keeping track.

3. Just when March rolls around, and you think you've almost made it through, comes the next one or five or eleventy-seven snowstorms.

2. In these parts, Winter is not followed by Spring. It is followed by Pothole Season. Bone-jarring, alignment-wrecking Pothole Season.

1. Hat hair. From mid-October until some time in April.

Texas Pics

Here is a view of downtown Fort Worth. It seems that everything in Texas is under construction, all the time:

Here is the new home of the Dallas Cowboys, currently under construction:

And here is the Ballpark at Arlington, home of the Texas Rangers baseball team. According to Wikipedia, it was completed in 1994, which has got to make it one of the oldest buildings in this part of Texas:

And no, that's not me out front. But it IS my sister!

Still So Damn Sad ........

......... that a contestant on American Idol singing "Let It Be" can reduce me to a sobbing mess.

It's Baaaaack.......

The Spec That Would Not Die has awakened from its winter hibernation and has returned to kick my butt. Help meeeeeee ...........

This Post Brought To You Courtesy of Eliot Spitzer

(Seriously, I originally wrote the following mess quite a while back and just shoved it to the back of the drawer, but since this whole Spitzer thing broke, I can't resist putting this up for the world to see. Fasten your seatbelts - it's gonna be a bumpy ride.)

Ok, so this post is going to be pretty much chock-full of overgeneralizations and stereotyping - you've been warned. And this post may or may not be influenced by the fact that drunk men keep showing up on my doorstep - I'm not sure.


I was listening to the song "Roberta" by Billy Joel, which is basically a love song to a prostitute. And I got to wondering why men tend to romanticize prostitution. I mean, other than the fact that they can hand over some money and get laid, no strings attached, what's the fascination? It's just a business transaction. Most hookers I have seen are not exactly overly attractive. So why would a guy pay to sleep with someone he would not sleep with for free? Unless, of course, he can't get anyone to sleep with him for free. But why would you want to have sex with someone who's only doing it because you're paying her? That just seems kind of demeaning. (To you, not to her). I guess if you're horny enough,it just doesn't matter? Oh, and when a woman sleeps around for free she's a slut, but if she gets paid for it, that's ok? Oops, don't even get me started on the whole "slut" thing. Ditto the Madonna/Whore complex. I just don't have time to go into it right now.


So then I got thinking about strippers. While men fantasize about prostitutes, they go nuts for strippers. Maybe because men rationalize that strippers are not prostitutes? Um, better check your sources, guys. And while strippers are generally better looking than prostitutes, they're still not someone you'd really want to take home to mom. Or is that the attraction? Oh, and what do strippers do when they're too old to strip anymore? Go back to school and become nuclear physicists? (Oooh, am I implying that strippers are dumb? Let's put it this way: If you think that stripping is a viable career option, you're maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed. And yes, I know that it can be very lucrative, but taking off your clothes for money? Come on. Although, hey, it's your decision. I'm not saying it's wrong; I'm just saying .... oh, hell, I don't know what I'm saying.)


Moving right along, let's talk about porn. I have nothing against porn. Watching porn can really liven up a relationship that's maybe a little stale. But I don't understand men's complete and utter fascination with porn. I mean, while porn is a turn-on, if you've seen one porn movie, you've basically seen them all. And I don't understand watching porn by yourself. Really, unless you're watching porn with a partner, your options for action at the time are kinda limited. (To your HAND - hahahahahaha! Sorry, that was gross. But true.) Oh, waaiiiiittt a minute!! I just had a little glimmer of insight there. And I don't wanna talk about it! Ok, let's talk about it. To me, masturbation is something you do when you're horny and there's nobody around to have sex with. A poor substitute, at best. But maybe to guys, sex is sex is sex? Is masturbation sex on a par, quality-wise, with real sex, for men? Is that why they jerk off all the time? Oh, folks, I can't believe I'm writing about this. I should be blushing right now, except I'm not.


Remember when you first found out about sex? And at first you were all, "oh my God that's GROSS ew ew ew", but then you got a little older and the hormones kicked in, and sex was the most fascinating thing EVER?! And all you wanted to do was hold hands WITH A BOY OH MY GOD, and kiss, and sometime in your mid-teens, have sex? Yay sex!! Then you got a little older, and here's where men and women tend to part ways. Once the initial fascination over the whole thing wears off, it seems to me that women just accept the whole sex-with-other-people thing as just another interesting facet of life. Confusing sometimes, joyful sometimes, just like everything else in life. But men never grow out of that "oh my God it's SEXSEXSEX!!!" thing. It's like they just never grow up where sex is concerned. And yes, I do enjoy sex - very much so. It's just not an all-consuming, mystical thing for me. When it happens, it's great. And when it doesn't happen ..... well, it's not the be-all and end-all of life. Just a part of it. An important part, granted, but just a part.


Ok, I know this was kind of a random mess - just thought I'd throw it out there and see if anyone wanted to posit any explanations for men's fascination with all things sex. I mean, am I being really naive here? Is there something wonderful and magical about prostitutes and strippers of which I am not aware? Is it like some big secret that everybody knows about but me? Are people going to comment, like, "Oh my GOD you are an idiot let me spell it out for you!" Please, do. Because I'm afraid that maybe I'm really missing out on something basic here that I should know.


Oh, and if anyone wants to comment something along the lines of, "Gee, I sure can see why YOU don't have a boyfriend!!", go right ahead! I'm kind of expecting something along those lines, and I'll be disappointed if it doesn't happen!


And I KNOW that Billy Joel is lame, lame, lame. But some of his old stuff still holds up. Not much, but some. I defy anyone to listen to "The Entertainer" and not enjoy the shit right out of it.

Oh, and Eliot? Keep it in your pants, man. PLEASE.

Note to Self

You know that spot in the driveway between your car and P's car? That spot that just looks wet?

It's not wet. It is, in fact, solid ice. And if you should try to walk there, you will slip and fall and land right on your tailbone and it will be extremely painful.

Just thought you might want to know.

Sixteen

Wednesday would have been Rocky's sixteenth birthday. I was looking through old photos, trying to pick out some good ones to put with his ashes, when I came across some from when I first brought Rocky home. He was six weeks old when I picked him out of his litter of strays, and I had to wait a couple of weeks until he was fully weaned before I could bring him home. Until looking at those old photos, I had forgotten how impossibly tiny he was back then. Just a little ball of fluff.

What a cutie! (The cat, not that horrible chair.)

Transformation

I wrote earlier about the Blue Morpho butterflies in the botanic garden. They were quite large; about three inches tip to tail. Here is one with its wings closed:

And here is one with its wings opened:

Pretty cool, no?

Things You Do Not Want To Hear From Your Pilot

1. (on the runway at DFW) "Folks, we seem to be having some electrical problems ......."

2. (in the air) "........ sorry about the turbulence ........"

3. (on the runway at Philly) "We're currently 13th in line for takeoff...... " followed shortly by, "they just let a few planes in ahead of us ....... "

Amazingly enough, I made it there and back with only short delays. Yay!

Ashes

I took the day off yesterday, as I figured I'd probably be pretty tired from my day of flying on Monday. I was correct! I got home around 8:30 p.m., went to bed at midnight, and slept until almost 11 a.m. It was another day of crappy weather, with sleet! and rain! and freezing rain! You know the drill. I was ready to go right back to Texas.

I packed up Rocky's leftover food and took it to the Animal Care Council, which runs a cat shelter. I had never been there before. It was really spacious and clean, and it did not smell like cats at all. Impressive! All the cats looked well-cared-for. They keep the cats in big rooms with couches and chairs and cat-climbing toys.

Then I went to the vet's and picked up Rocky's ashes. I brought them home and put them in the box my sister and I picked out. The package of ashes looked kind of lonely in the box, so I went to the craft store and got some potpourri to put in the box. That looked better. I put the bag with Rocky's fur clippings on top of the ashes. It's comforting to have him home.

Butterflies!

Today we went to the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens. They were having a special program called "Butterflies in the Garden". They have a huge conservatory there filled with all kinds of tropical plants and flowers and trees, and in March, they release literally thousands of tropical butterflies into the conservatory. You can go in and wander around and look at all the beautiful butterflies - it's really spectacular.

There was one species of butterfly there, called a Blue Morpho, that everyone was trying to get a picture of. When its wings are closed, it's just a dull brown, but when it opens its wings, it's a beautiful shade of iridescent blue. The Blue Morphos were just flitting around, never landing long enough for anyone to get a good photo (and there were people there with cameras that put mine to shame). Finally, just as my sister and I were getting ready to leave, one landed right in front of me and opened those blue, blue wings. I managed to get several photos, and just as other people with their fancy cameras were coming up and getting their gear ready, it closed its wings again. Heh.

We had a buffet brunch at the restaurant there, which was very good. (I highly recommend the chocolate cake.) I swear, I've eaten more meals "out" in the last few days than I had in the previous twelve months combined. Yum!

Tonight there are supposed to be quite bad storms here. Otherwise, the weather has been just beautiful the entire weekend. Tomorrow, it's back to the Frozen North for me. Blech. But, I think these few days with my sister have really helped improve my mindset (she is such a good listener/advisor/friend!), and hopefully the memory of this warm weather will carry me through until spring up North.

Random Notes From Texas (!)

1. It was in the seventies today and sunny. I wore shorts! I can prove it! I have pictures!

2. Arlington is much bigger than I thought, with a population of over 330,000 people.

3. We drove around the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, which is under construction and very impressive. My sister stopped so that I could get some pictures for the guys at work. The new Cowboys stadium is right across the road from the Ballpark at Arlington, the home of the Texas Rangers baseball team.

3. We had lunch yesterday at my sister's country club. Impressive!

4. My sister and I made a deal - I would clean her patio furniture and she would prepare my income tax returns (which were complicated by last year's craft show sales). So yesterday, she got clean patio furniture and I got my taxes done. Sweet!

5. I introduced my sister to YouTube last night. She enjoyed the Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel videos as much as I did, which I guess goes to prove that sense of humor is in some part genetic. (By the way, I have never liked Sarah Silverman, but that Matt Damon video? Brilliant.)
6. We wore our matching "Bad Daughter Leading a Sinful Lifestyle - Texas Tour 08" t-shirts today. Heh-heh.

7. After my poor sister chauffeured me all over town(s), I found a box that I liked for Rocky's ashes in an antiques store. It's a little metal hinged box, and I think it will suit him.

8. As part of our search for a box for Rocky, we went to Trader's Village today, which is supposedly the largest flea market in this part of Texas. Neither my sister or I were impressed. Too much new crap, not enough neat old stuff. But, the people-watching was fun.

9. Beef brisket barbeque is very good. Chicken-fried steak, not so much. But the white gravy they serve with it is very, very good.

Guest Post!

My sister Texas, with whom I am staying, has graciously agreed to do a guest post! This is her first ever blog entry. May I now present my sister Texas, with her terrifying true tale of The Cannibal Mice of Conklin Ave. Take it, sister!

Hi! Many moons ago I bought a really old home on Conklin Ave (1880's). Old stone foundation, slate roof, etc. It was just a little townhome, two story. The first major renovation was the bathroom, up on the second floor above the kitchen. What a mess! They had to rip it all apart - there was a full flight of stairs in the bathroom going up to the attic. Anyway, when they were finished, I was in the kitchen one night and heard this scrabbling noise. I looked all around and couldn't see anything, so I started opening the cabinet doors one by one. Finally I opened the doors above the stove and there were six mice eyes looking at me. I slammed the doors shut and decided that they would have to find their own way out. Well I guess that the workers had sealed off the bathroom floor (above the cabinets) while they were there and there was no way out. Several weeks later I summoned the courage to open the doors again and found that one mouse had eaten the other two, leaving only little puffs of fur and bones. And then there was just that one fat mouse staring back at me. Totally freaked out, I did the only logical thing, which was shut the cabinet doors again. What the fate of the last mouse was, I will never know. I never opened those cabinet doors again.

(RockyCat) - Thanks so much for that guest post! Let's hear it for my sister!!

Howdy, Y'all!

Sorry - I just couldn't resist.

I MADE IT!!! I'm in Texas!!! Ahahahahahaha!!

The flights were only delayed a little bit, and I'm actually here - and it was seventy and sunny here this afternoon. For comparison, it was eleven degrees on my back deck when I left this morning.

I hope a little warmth will do me some good.