No crunch! Crunch is bad!

So! I've been thinking about all the tasty stuff I'm going to eat while I'm on vacation next week (woot!). Ok, technically I'm not actually going anyplace, other than doing some day trips, but I have the week off from work, so that counts as vaca, right? Right? Please tell me that it counts!

And I am going to make Alpo (a tasty, tasty sandwich spread which is not actually dog food but which does have a rather ...... um...... unfortunate appearance, thus leading my lovely dysfunctional family to give it the name Alpo), and crab dip, and I'm going to possibly bust my grill out of the shed and have a steak or two, and I may actually splurge and have a Subway sub.

Now, I don't usually go to Subway, because they cut their sub rolls the wrong damn way. The only CORRECT way to cut a sub roll is horizontally down the side, and Subway does this funky cut-it-down-from-the-top technique which is just NOT RIGHT, but I have been jonesing for a meatball sub (no cheese, though - also WRONG) for quite a while, and have been holding out due to my oh-my-holy-hell-gas-is-four-bucks-a-gallon budget. (Can-I-put-any-MORE-dashes-in-this-post? Let's-see!)

So! A relatively recent addition to the franchise market in this area is Quiznos. And I was thinking, maybe Quiznos instead? But then I seemed to recall a Quiznos TV commercial in which they talk about their TOASTED sub rolls and how the rolls are CRRRRUNCHY and oh no no no that is just WRONG.

Sub rolls should not crunch! Sub rolls need to be springy yummy white bread with no nutritional value and not much taste at all, so as not to distract from the delicious fillings inside. Seriously, the thought of biting into a sub and having the bread go CRRRUUNNCH is just wrong on so many levels I don't know how to deal with it. Besides which, the crumb factor has got to be out of sight.

So! How do you prefer your sub rolls? CRRUNNCHHY, or nice and soft and comforting, the way God intended?

Oh! And while you're answering my possibly insane question, please scroll down to the post below (unless you're squeamish about bugs) and help me out there, too. Please?