Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Don't those damned things ever SLEEP?

At four o'clock this morning, a time with which I am intimately acquainted thanks to Little Girl's habit of bringing me live mice in the middle of the night (thank you very much, LG - now CUT IT OUT), there was a big ol' doe out in the front yard, not fifteen feet from the front door.

As I blearily prepared to live-release LG's latest gift (I DON'T EAT MICE, Little Girl), I noticed movement in the front yard. I switched on the porch light and there she was, a hundred pounds of venison on the hoof, and she wasn't moving. The brazen hussy just stood there and looked at me. She finally ambled off into the brush when I opened the screen door and started toward her.
Last weekend, I deer-netted the side garden and the part of the front garden that's closest to the brush line. But if the deer are going to start hanging out in the damn front yard, I'm gonna have to deer-net all the gardens, which will be a pain in the ass, but really it's my only option, because in case you didn't know, deer eat EVERYTHING.

There they are, down by the creek, in their happy little deer-world, all pretty and peaceful, surrounded by acres and acres of nom-worthy plants, and what do they do? They come eat my lilies, that's what they do. And my peonies and my hibiscuses and every other living thing they can get their soft little muzzles around.

And NOW, as it that wasn't bad enough, I evidently have insomniac deer in my neighborhood, coming to raid the proverbial fridge, i.e., my gardens, in the middle of the damn NIGHT.

Christ. Pour yourself a glass of warm milk and go back to sleep, freakin' deer. Leave my flowers alone.


Shalini said...

Ugh. Sorry. Better than raccoons, right?

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more - I've had some success with Dave's Insanity Ghost Sauce thinned and spattered on leaves. I'd have love to see their little faces after that :-). Too bad the rain washes it off .

Keep blogging - love your writing!


rockygrace said...

You know, at some point during the proceedings (carrying mouse, staring down deer), I distinctly remember grousing, "It's like Wild goddamn Kingdom around here!"

Shalini, yeah, at least the deer don't get into the garbage cans. Yet.

And Kris, thanks for stopping by! Some of my neighbors tried the deer repellent stuff, but they kept forgetting to re-apply it, and the deer ate all their stuff anyway. Now we just all use the netting. But I'd love to see a deer get a mouthful of tabasco! They'd be all, ptooie! ptooie! Ha.