Tuesday, May 09, 2017

Marching-band Camel-bladder. Yes, it's a thing.

Today I had to go for my pre-employment physical for my new job.  Because I'll be working in a medical facility, I had to provide proof of vaccination for, basically, every disease known to man.

Amazingly, I still had the little vaccination booklet that my mom kept for me as a child (thanks, mom!) (keep in mind all my standard vaccinations were done far, FAR before the computerized medical records area).  There was one vaccination (measles, I think) that I didn't have adequate proof for, necessitating a titer, and also I didn't have any recent TB testing, which might mean a brief delay in my employment until I can go through the required, two-tests-a-certain-amount-of-time-apart TB tests.

And then it was time for the drug screening, meaning urine test.  I've given urine many, many times before at my doctor's office (ewww, sorry) for various things, so I figured, sure, no problem.

Except, I was not prepared for the sheer AMOUNT of urine (gross) I would have to give for the drug screen.  I flunked on the first go-round (not enough of a sample), so they tossed that sample and I was told that I had three hours to tank up on water, wait for it to move through, and then produce an adequate sample.  And I had to stay right there, in the office, and if I could not produce a sufficient sample in the three-hour time span, it was Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Get Job.

No pressure.

And here's where the Camel-bladder comes in.  Back in high school, I was in the marching band, meaning a lot of travel to "away"football games and band competitions.  Via school bus (no toilets).  And once we got to wherever we were going, the lines for the bathrooms at the destination facility were always LOOOOOOONG,  not to mention that at the football games, the "facilities" usually consisted of sketchy port-a-potties.

So I learned to "hold it" a very, very, very long time, is all I'm saying.  And not that it actually comes up in conversation a lot, but many people over the years have remarked on how long I can go without needing to pee.

So.  Three hour time limit, no pee and no job.  And I can hold it FOREVER.

Oh snap.  Time to chug.  I estimate I drank AT LEAST a gallon of water, if not more, during the first hour.  Then I waited.  And waited.  At that point, the facility was getting ready to close(!), and I would have to return the next day, first thing, to try again if I couldn't produce.  And I still didn't have to pee.

Well, damn! 

I grabbed the nurse, said "let's give this a shot, because I don't think I can do this again tomorrow" (water intoxication, it's a thing, guys) and headed for the bathroom.

SCORE.  I had plenty. (yuck, sorry.)  I aced the pee test!  And I swear, it's going to be a long, long time before I voluntarily drink a glass of water again. *urp*


James P. said...

We're all just so proud to know you.

James P. said...

Well.......and two questions, so far:
1. What instrument should we picture Little Teenage Rocky playing?
2. Wasn't it just a little NIPPY marching on football fields on fall nights in upstate New York???

rockygrace said...

High-school Rocky played flute in the marching and concert bands, and drums in the jazz band.

And in my junior year, the band was selected to compete in the Fort Edison Pageant of Lights in Florida. In the Spring. So we practiced outside, on the football field, after school and on weekends, ALL WINTER LONG. It was TERRIBLE. I still remember the aching, bonechilling cold of those nights out on the field, practicing our routine over and over and OVER, our hands so cold we could barely play our instruments. I swear that that winter is where my hatred of cold weather comes from.

Domestic Kate said...

I also can hold my pee forever, especially if I'm just sitting.

Congrats on passing the piss test!

rockygrace said...

Kate, I'm glad I'm not alone. :) AND I wasn't the only one in the same boat yesterday - there were two other people there who were having to do a re-try. HOW CAN THEY EXPECT US TO PEE THAT MUCH?! Sheesh.

Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

LOL... I feel for you, I do. And as for being able to hold it, I usually go 10 hours during a work day because I'm totally not a fan of the community bathroom for the whole building we have to use.