Mmmmm ...... doughnuts: The Saga Continues

There's a big meeting in the office this morning, so yesterday the Boss asked me to stop on my way in this morning and pick up a dozen doughnuts. Or, more accurately, the Boss asked me to pick up doughnuts, then added, "if you don't mind".

Mind?! Would I "mind" picking up doughnuts?? If you read this blog regularly, you know that I am currently obsessed with doughnuts, so picking up doughnuts on my way in is noooo problem. Then the Boss said, "Oh, that's ok, I'll stop and pick up the doughnuts". OK, Boss, that's fine. Then, a little while later, he said "So, are you going to pick up the doughnuts or am I?" And it went on in this vein basically all day long. Looks like I'm not the only one with a doughnut obsession.

As I was leaving work last night, I asked the Boss if I should pick up the doughnuts. And he said, "Yes, but don't get any of those frosted ones. Just get some regular doughnuts - you know, the glazed ones. Oh, and a couple of the apple spice ones. And maybe a blueberry and a couple of those jelly filled ........." Doughnut micromanagement at its finest. Yep, I'm not the only one with a doughnut problem.

SO, I picked up the doughnuts this morning, and of COURSE I got some of the frosted ones, because THEY'RE THE BEST KIND. The more crap spread on top of a doughnut and injected inside it, the better. Doughnut nirvana, coming right up!

Here is a little confession: I hoard office doughnuts. That's right, after the meeting is over, as I am putting the doughnuts into zip-locks to keep them fresh for later office consumption, I will sneak a couple into a separate baggie and hide them in my desk. They're MINE, I tell you! ALL MINE! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I'm bad, all right.

Oh! And just when I thought the soft-serve ice cream season was wrapping up for the year, I made the startling discovery that Wendy's now serves vanilla Frostys! Which are basically soft-serve vanilla ice cream!! Folks, when did this happen?

I'm afraid all is now lost on the totally-useless-calorie front.

Somebody Actually Went Ahead And Did It (Part II) . . . .

...... named their kid "Richard Wadsworth", that is. I know, because "Richard Wadsworth" was in the newspaper obituaries this morning.

What's wrong with that name, you ask? Well, "Richard" would probably be nicknamed "Dick", meaning this guy went through his life as "Dick Wadsworth". Maybe I need to get my mind out of the gutter, but that's a classic porn name if I ever heard one.

I can only hope that this is what is on his tombstone: "It's RICHARD, damnit!"

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Yesterday, even though it was cold and gloomy and rainy (fifteen minutes into my walk, I turned around, went back to the car, and got a hat and gloves), I went up to State Park. I get antsy if I go too long without getting out in the woods. The leaves are finally starting to change, but they've still got a way to go:

Last year, I went to another local park on October 6, and the leaves looked like this:

WTF, leaves? Let's get a move on, here, before it starts to snow!

Speaking of snow, there were moments yesterday when it did not seem that far off:

But then the sky would lighten, and it was fall again:

I'd enjoy fall a heckuva lot more if it wasn't followed by winter.

The Sound of Music, as performed in a local nature preserve

Doe, a deer ..........




An EVIL deer .........



aaaagggghhhhhhh!! The evil deer pierces me with her x-ray eyes!

I've gotta get this camera red-eye thing figured out ........

Product Review - Kitchen Nightmares

"Kitchen Nightmares" is a reality show where a professional chef, Gordon Ramsay, visits a different failing restaurant every week and stays for one week to try and turn it around. And I have to say, this is reality tv at its train-wreck best.

For one thing, usually there are only one or two people working at the restaurant who actually want to try to make it better, and the rest of the employees are less than enthusiastic, and often downright mutinous. Picture "Extreme Home Makeover", if the family whose home was being re-done was a bunch of crackheads who were really very happy living in a run-down shack and gave Ty Pennington the finger every time he turned around.

Gordon Ramsay is, shall we say, volatile. He'll start bitching out a restaurant employee, and he gets so pissed off, I keep thinking he's going to spontaneously combust. Multiply that by ten when whoever he is bitching out starts giving it right back to him. Favorite line from last night's show? "TOUCH THE WALL, YOU DIRTY PIG!" Ah ha ha ha ha hahaha! You really had to be there. Keep in mind, the people he bitches out really, really have it coming. The surly cooks from last night's show were my personal favorites, with comments like, "Yeah, yeah, whatever" whenever Gordon suggested an improvement. Which makes it all the sweeter when he finally explodes.

I highly, highly recommend this show. I can't stand most reality tv, but this show is kind of vicariously cathartic for me. I really get a kick out of watching Gordon throw absolute, no-holds-barred shit fits. I mean, really, wouldn't we all like to do that on occasion - just scream our heads off at people who deserve it? And this guy gets paid for it! God, I want that job.

Chicken Tales

This is what happens when they get bored with frogs. I am trying very hard not to imagine this scenario right now. Of course, we all know they're going to grow up to become serial killers.

In other chicken news, I was reading the Real Estate section of the newspaper the other day, and one home-for-sale ad read "Carefully crafted" blah blah blah, "gazebo", blah blah blah, "matching chicken coup".


Huh? A chicken coup? Is that a car for the chickens? Oh, wait, no, "coupe" has an "e" on the end. Or did the chickens stage an overthrow of the property? Perhaps in protest at their brethren getting blown up with fireworks? If so, it hasn't made the local news yet.

I Must Be Doing Something Right .....

..... because my boss just offered to pay my plane fare to Texas so I could go visit one of my sisters for a few days. This came totally out of the blue; he just said he knew that I had been having a tough time with other family members lately*, and thought that maybe I could use a break.

Thanks, boss!

P.S. He did mention me having "the patience of Job" when it came to things work-related. Come to think of it, yeah, I guess I do. But that's only because I can come here and vent all my frustrations. Thanks, blog!

*Note - My boss has been a friend of my family's since before I was born, so he keeps up with this kind of stuff. And yes, the fact that he was a friend of the family is how I heard about and got the job. Kind of non-relative nepotism, if you will.

F.Y.B.B.

Dear Buffalo Bills:

I've had it. It's over. You intercepted Tony Romo five times last night, and you still couldn't win the game!? You allowed nine points in the last twenty seconds - I'm sorry, but come on- there's no excuse for that kind of behavior.

Sure, you beat the Jets last week, but let's face it - anybody could beat the Jets at this point.

I've been patient. I've stuck by you for years, but my patience has its limits. You used to be a good team. You used to be a very good team. I'm not sure what happened, but something changed. You've had one winning season out of the last seven. You went to the Super Bowl four times in the early nineties, and lost every single time.

It's not you. It's me. At this point in my life, I really feel that I need to root for a team who actually has a chance of winning a game occasionally. I gave you many years of support, and now I feel that it's time to move on.

So, good luck. I sincerely wish the best for you. I'm sure many of your other fans will stick by you, for year after year after year of disappointment and dashed hopes. I just can't do it anymore.

Yours truly,

RockyCat



Hellooooo, Patriots.

Beautiful Day

On Saturday, I hauled my butt out of bed bright and early and headed for Ithaca. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm (in the eighties! The normal high temp around here this time of year is sixty), and I wanted to visit Robert Treman State Park, which I hadn't been to in several years. (Shame on me!) The leaves are just starting to change. They are late this year, maybe because it's been so warm.

I started up the gorge trail:



There are lots of waterfalls:

Oh, and stairs! Lots and lots of stairs:

And beautiful views. Check out the people in the bottom left of the photo to get an idea of the scale:

At the top of the gorge there is an old grist mill which has been restored:

And there was a wedding outside the mill. Best wishes to the newlyweds:



There was a hawk circling in the sky:

And here is the main attraction, Lucifer Falls:



The pics really don't do justice to how beautiful this place is - I've got to get back more often. Although it's a killer walk - I am still trying to figure out how it is that the trail up the gorge and the trail back down the gorge - 4 miles roundtrip - are both uphill. Hmmm.

I stopped at the thrift store in Ithaca (what's a road trip without a stop at a thrift store?) and stopped again at the Hi-Way Dairy Bar in Candor to get a Tullyburger and fries to go. Of course, while I was waiting for my food, I just had to have a soft-serve berry twist ice cream cone. Eaten in the sun on an eighty-degree day in October.

When I got home I ate my Tullyburger and fries out on the back deck while reading the paper and drinking a beer.

Beautiful day.

Driver Stabbed Himself

If you click on the title above, you should get linked to an article in our local newspaper describing how a local man committed suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly while driving.
While that's plenty odd, it is not nearly the oddest suicide story I have ever heard. I remember another local man whose decision to off himself went horribly wrong. Here we go:

Many years ago, a local doctor decided to kill himself. He decided to go up on the highway and step in front of a passing car. So, he got in his car, got up on the highway, pulled over to the shoulder, got out of his car, and almost immediately, a couple of other people pulled their cars over to see if he needed help. (We're friendly like that around here.)

No, no, he said, and then stepped in front of a passing car. Which ran into him. And over him. The people who had already pulled over to help rushed to his aid, along with, of course, the driver of the car that ran him over, and people from other cars who saw what happened and stopped. Remarkably, he was not dead. Not even all that injured. And he still wanted to end it all. So he got up off the highway, ran to the guardrail, and jumped over it, presumably hoping that he would land in the river, approximately 30' below. Except his aim was a little off, perhaps from being run over by a car, and he landed, splat, on the bank of the river instead of in the river itself.

By now, as you can imagine, quite a crowd had gathered, and several people rushed down to the riverbank to see if they could help. And the good doctor was still alive. Except for, um, he still wanted to die. So he got up off the riverbank, jumped in the river, and started swimming for the middle, presumably to drown himself. Several of the good Samaritans went in after him, and by the time he got to the middle of the river, he was thrashing around pretty good, like it had finally struck him that "hmm, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." The good Samaritans got ahold of him and got him to the shore, and he was still alive.

Unfortunately, he passed away from his injuries a short time later.

I swear that this is a true story. I remember when it happened, approximately 15 years ago, and I remember thinking, this is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard of. That poor man.

The Office

This sign is posted in my place of employment:

Just in case The Itchy and Scratchy Show gets out of hand. I found it at a flea market and thought it would be a fitting addition to the office.

I Know It's October .........

.... because all I want to do is eat. And eat and eat and eat. Even when I'm not technically hungry, my body is yearning to eat.

This happens every fall. It lasts for a couple of weeks, then goes away, then springs back to life some time in the winter, usually in January or February. I have no idea why - some kind of primitive food-storing for winter impulse. Am I like a squirrel, frantically burying nuts for the coming cold weather?

All I know is, it took every bit of my willpower to not stop and get a doughnut on the way to work this morning. Mmmm, doughnuts.

So what am I doing right now? Sitting at work, eating Fritos leftover from yesterday's lunch. Sigh.

The Great Mofo Delurk!

OK guys, today is the great mofo delurk! That means that all you lurkers out there, all of you who stop by to view my blog but never leave a comment, need to give a shout-out!

I have no fancy stat-counters on this site, so I have no idea how many people actually stop by. Of course, I have a loyal few (Thanks, you guys! I appreciate it more than you know), but I have no idea if anyone other than them is reading this thing.

So please, if you are a lurker, please leave a comment today. Anonymously, if you'd like. I'd just really like to know how many (or few) of you there are!

More embarrassing childhood pics to follow. I promise. (Oooops - there went the audience!)

Updated to add: COME ON YOU GUYS! It's 3 p.m.! Schmutzie has 71 delurker comments on her blog! LET'S GO!

If I add possibly the worst school picture ever taken, would that help?

Oh, the Geekage of it all

Coming soon - Photo documentation of my awkward childhood! Here's a teaser:




Believe it or not, Pippi Longstocking braids were actually popular when I was a kid! And the little side-braid up top - tres fashionable! Unfortunately, I predict a foray into the wonderful world of orthodontia for this young lady. And ya gotta love the whole garbage-bag draw-string neckline. With garbage-bag draw-string sleeves! Mom sent me to school in garbage bags.

And no, no, I don't have a scanner, so I'm doing this the old-fashioned way - taking pictures of pictures. Because I am lame.

Mystery Picture!

I saw this plant (the one in the center of the pic, with the red berry-things) in the woods a couple of weeks ago. It's about four inches tall. I had no idea what it was, and when I looked it up I was really surprised. Care to hazard a guess?

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

My boss and one of the CAD guys have been having a violent argument all day about the design of a particular project. They yell and shout and toss around the F-bomb, get calmed down, and then start up all over again. This is not unusual for these two. All I can think of is the theme song from "The Itchy and Scratchy Show", which goes something like this:

They fight
and fight
and fight and fight and fight
fightfightfight
fightfightfight
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

At least it's Friday.

On Second Thought .......

I was going to write about how my boss, on rare occasions, has been able to make me cry actual tears of anger, but he just informed me that he's giving me a raise.

Thanks, boss!

Ewwww ..... Gross

There is a dead squirrel in my backyard. I discovered him (or her) last night. He (or she) looks very peaceful, just lying on the ground, dead. Now I have to figure out what to do with the body.

I considered just leaving it there, but the thought of coming across it again in upcoming days, when it has started to decompose, is not very pleasant. And I don't want to have to touch it (yuck! squirrel cooties!) to move it. So I thought I could scoop it up with a shovel and put it ..... where? I thought about just nudging over a few feet into my neighbor's yard, but that hardly seems fair. And it hasn't rained here for several days, so the ground is as hard as a rock, and not conducive to grave-digging. I suppose I could push it into a plastic bag and put it in the garbage, but the thought of that squirrel corpse in the bottom of a garbage can for the week until the next pick-up is skeeving me out. I suppose I could carry it (in the shovel, of course), out to the road and leave it by the side to join its many car-squashed brethren, which the local highway department disposes of.

Sigh. Why do I always have to make such a big deal out of everything? And does anybody have any squirrel-disposal ideas?

My Hare-Brained Scheme Comes To Fruition

So, Saturday was my first time showing my photographs at a craft show. I am not really a craft show-type person, but I really wanted to see if my photos would sell. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, and I met lots of nice people. The vendors around me were very friendly and helpful when they found out it was my first show - they even let out a cheer when I made my first sale. I was amazed at how many shoppers wanted to talk (and talk, and TALK) - lots of people said the photos reminded them of gardens they used to have, or of their relatives' gardens. And a lot of older women wanted to talk about their dead husbands, which was kind of weird, but I can sympathize - I think they just need someone to listen, and I was a captive audience.

The most popular questions were "Did you take these pictures?" (yes), and "Are these your flowers?" (yes). Lots of people commented on how pretty the pictures were. I only made $55.00 (if they're such pretty pictures, BUY THEM, PEOPLE, (ha ha, just kidding, NOT)), but I realized that it makes me really happy to think that my pictures are hanging in other people's houses. I know that sounds weird, but it's cool to me.

Here's my car, loaded up and ready to go. (Oh, and one of the best parts of the day? Stopping at Dunkin' Donuts on the way to pick up a Boston Creme and a Strawberry Frosted. Yummmmm, donuts.)


Here's my table, ready to rock:


Here's the craft show itself. It was pretty small, only twenty tables, and there were not a lot of customers for a good part of the day. I'm wondering if I might do better at a larger show.



The local high school marching band came by to entertain us:



And they brought the color guard:

Can you believe the hair on that girl on the right? Can you imagine what it must look like when it's not in a ponytail? I wish I had hair like that. (And yes, I realize that these are not very good photos, coming from a person who is trying to SELL HER PHOTOS).

So, all in all, a good day. I tried something I had never done before and lived. Imagine that!

Gimme Money

A while back, I wrote about my latest hare-brained scheme for making money. It's not that I'm broke, it's just that if I am ever going to buy a house, I need to save up a downpayment. SO! Tomorrow my plan goes into action.

Let's just say that it involves a couple of tables set up like this:

And a local town's Fall Festival. It's this, or hire Sally Struthers to shill for me on TV. Wish me luck!