Did you know that you can return BATTERIES to the store?

hahahaha oh my God you guys it's true.

My wireless doorbell went kerflooie, and I assumed that the battery in the sending unit had gone bad.  And of course, of COURSE, when I opened up the unit, it wasn't, like, a double-A in there - it was one of those twee little batteries that go in, like, hearing aids and sh*t.  You know, the fantastically expensive kind.

So I sighed, and went to the drugstore, and paid SIX BUCKS for a battery the size of my THUMBNAIL, and took it home, and put it in the unit, and ...

... of course it wasn't the battery.  The doorbell still wouldn't work.

I got ready to toss the brand-new, never-used, twee little battery that will never fit in anything else I own EVER into the junk drawer, when I thought ...

... I wonder if I can take this back.  I mean, I never USED it.  It's still brand-NEW.  I wonder if I can return it.

And so I put it back in the little Duracell package, taped it up, grabbed the receipt, and put "return battery" on my to-do list.

And THEN, the next day, I'm talking to a co-worker, and somehow the whole doorbell thing came up, I don't know how, probably because I NEVER STOP TALKING, and I explained how I was gonna return the battery.

"You can't do that!" my co-worker said.

"Why not?"  I asked.

"Because!" he said.  "If you could do that, everybody would just go to the store and buy a jumbo pack of batteries, take it home, replace every battery in their house, put the used batteries in the package, and take it back to the store for a refund!"

And here is where I thought to myself, "That is the best idea EVER in the history of the WORLD.  That?  Is pure genius."  I mean, I couldn't DO it, of course, because with my luck, they'd just put my pack of used batteries back on the shelf, and some poor motherf*cker would buy the used batteries to put in, like, his HEART MONITOR or something, and then I'd rot in hell.

But I still think it's a genius idea. 

And!  I took my twee little (brandie-new) six-dollar battery back to the drugstore, all taped up in its packaging and with a receipt, and

they took it back.  They gave me my money back.

Holy sh*t you guys you can return batteries for a refund. 

You're welcome.

Just, um, think about the guy with the heart monitor, okay?  I'm just sayin'.